I receive a lot of questions and comments on a weekly basis from my male and female readers. Arguably, the question I get asked the most repeatedly from my female readers is "Why do men cheat so much? Why can't men remain faithful to one woman?" I am literally amazed that more women do not know the answer to that question. If you read my previous article, The '80-20 Rule' theory explains a lot of today's problems among dating singles, you probably know where I am headed with my response to that frequently asked question.
Comedian Chris Rock once had a comedy bit where he said, "When men listen to their male friends talk about how wonderful their wife or girlfriend is, they will say to themselves, 'I want a woman JUST LIKE THAT!' But when women listen to their girlfriends talk about how wonderful their husband or boyfriend is, they will say to themselves, 'I want HIM!" The crowd laughed hysterically, in part, because the vast majority of the women in the audience knew that Rock was telling the truth.
Here is the reality: there are far more women in society who are attracted to men who are married, engaged, or otherwise romantically involved than there are women who are not. To take it a step further, I would actually argue that it is much easier to attract and seduce women when you already have a steady sex partner (e.g., wife, fiancée, long-term girlfriend, etc.) than it is when you are a man who is single and unattached.
Popular comedic actor Adam Sandler actually made a movie entitled, Just Go With It, about a man who uses a fake wedding ring in order to seduce women into bed. The plot for that romantic comedy is not farfetched. The first person to share this phenomenon with me was one of my older cousins when I was young. He said, "Ever since I started wearing my wedding ring, women have come out of the woodworks giving me [sexual] attention."
Personally, I have always received more sexual attention from women during those periods when I had a serious 'girlfriend' than I have during the periods when I was single and unattached. Every time. For example, when I was involved in a monogamous relationship during the latter half of 2009 and first half of 2010, I probably received more Facebook "pokes" from women than I ever have during a period where I have been single and unattached.
I once met a woman who had recently divorced from her husband, who was a pastor, because he was having sex with multiple women in his church. We are not talking about four or five women. Try 35-40 different women. The kicker is, all of the women he cheated with knew he was married (the woman did not know her husband was cheating until some of the women who had slept with her husband decided to come clean and confess to her).
How does that happen? How do as many as forty women ... forty church going women ... allow themselves to have sex with their married pastor? Talk about "pimps in the pulpit." Maybe he was just that good in bed. I had a female friend once tell me, "Alan, I am going to be blunt. I would rather be the number two, the number three, or the number four woman to a man who is really, really good in bed than be the number one woman to a guy who sucks in bed." I have a friend who told me just a couple of years ago that in the first ten years of his marriage, he had sex with approximately fifty women, and no less than forty-five of those fifty women knew he was married before they agreed to have sex with him.
What is ironic to me about women's behavior is this: next to a man's sexual prowess, at least half of what attracts a woman to a man who is already in a relationship is the fact that he seems to be a "good man" (i.e., honest and monogamy-minded). So for a woman to then turn around and tempt that 'good man' into an adulterous tryst or affair is ultimately going to diminish one of the traits that made him appealing in the first place.
Now if a man has great moral character and integrity, and deep religious convictions, it is not going to matter if he has dozens of women throwing invitations his way for an opportunity for 'on-the-side' sexual activity. He will maintain the self-discipline that is necessary to resist those lustful temptations. The men who fall into that category though are definitely in the minority.
For most men, if they keep receiving invitation after invitation after invitation, at some point, they are going to give in. That is why there is an old saying, "A man is only as faithful as his lack of options." Simply put, the more opportunities to cheat a man is presented with, the more likely that man is going to give in to one or more of those opportunitites.
Men ... generally speaking ... are just not the same. Rarely, if ever, do I hear men I am acquainted with talking about pursuing the romantic and/or sexual companionship of a woman who is married or engaged. Once a woman has a ring on her finger, her appeal significantly diminishes in the eyes of most men. Many of the men I know who have engaged in sex with married women have usually indicated that it was the women who made the first move ... and not them. Based on my own experiences with married women, I would tend to concur.
For starters, most men know how jealous, temperamental, and territorial other men are. Very few men want to get wrapped up in the "drama" of pursuing a married woman only to have her crazy, enraged husband pull out a gun and shoot them in the head. Secondly, men have an underlying "we don't want another man's sloppy seconds" mentality. So, for the vast majority of men, if we know that a woman is exchanging orgasms with her husband every day or every other day, we'll usually choose to pass on the invitation (but if the woman says, "My husband and I have not had sex in three months!!" then it is a totally different story).
Bottom line is this: if you are a woman reading this article, and you find yourself asking yourself, "Why do men cheat so much?" the question you actually should be asking yourself is, "Why do so many women find men who are married, engaged, or otherwise romantically involved so romantically and sexually appealing?"
The day all men stop cheating on their wife, fiancée, or long-term girlfriend will be the day all women start having a reaction of, "You're in a relationship? Ewwwwww. Thank you, but no thank you. There is nothing appealing to me about the idea of having sex with a man who is already having regular sex with another woman. Yuck!"
And we all know, that day is never, ever coming.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly is also available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android Smartphone, or other Smartphone.
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