Once upon a time there was this mediocre writer who had plans to embark on a trip to Israel for a month. She had found a really nice hostel in Tel Aviv about three blocks from the ocean. Life then threw so many curves at her plans; her sister suddenly needed money for a renovation on her basement so she could rent it out and make money from a renter. Her son was off to college and the ex-husband suddenly wanted to control the trust fund that was set up as a college account because it suddenly felt as if it was his right since a woman was only a hole and a piece of property and they could not be trusted to look after something as important as a goddamn trust fund.
Responsibility became the center of her life. Her own need to explore and grow and evolve as a person was suddenly seen as immature and absurd in the big picture. Had this mediocre writer been born a male all of those miniature details would have been cast away like so many chains and ropes that tied her to motherhood and family obligation.
When a man wants a romantic relationship to end it is over. When the woman in that same scenario wishes to work out the relationship she is called “psychotic stalker” or enabler or some sort of sloppy emotional bullshit title that allows everyone to see that men and women are not even on the same level of importance. The woman is condescended to and the man is elevated to a higher status.
If a man wishes to travel the world he is called an explorer and an adventurer. When a woman in the same situation wishes to embark on the same sort of travel plans she is called a crazy slut for wishing to experience a new form of life by traveling and often she is accused of wanting to travel to engage in a secret exotic sexual fling or a secret drugged out life in a city where the rules are lax.
The secret is that no one wants a woman who has plans and dreams of her own, she is considered selfish. The man is considered brave and courageous, while the woman who wishes the same sort of life is condemned to a stereotype of sexual inhibitions and called “crazy” or a “master manipulator”.
It is almost as if the family of the mediocre writer did everything in their power to try to stop her plans. They felt the need to control her desires for some sort of life far away from America and her familiarity with one type of world. Desires are so strong in some people that they will literally fake their own death to escape a family situation that is one of rigid control.
Women have responsibility and Men have freedom and everyone trusts them. What a tangled and messed up world we live in and it is just a tad unfair. This story is retold over and over, it may have a few variations to it, but it is the same old story each time it is retold. Some of us live in prisons that are not bound by bars or locked doors.