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Megan Fox proclaims herself a 'forest nymph Lunar Leo mother goddess'

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Celebrity fashion trends, just like diets and the moon, wane and wax. But Megan Fox has taken it to a new level with her new Instagram account, posted with the self-proclaimed title "The Native Tiger." We interpret (or try to) here.

Her bio: "Megan Fox Child of the Cherokee Tribe forest nymph Lunar Leo mother goddess to 2 bohemian revolutionaries-my kamikaze free spirit & my peaceful warrior."

Possible interpretations:

  • Forest nymph may mean that she follows a plant-based diet or occasionally does a vegan cleanse like Beyonce and Jay Z.
  • Lunar Leo mother goddess follows the theory that she is also a plant-based domestic goddess.
  • However, with reference to the Native Tiger, we are theorizing that Megan is referring to her fondness for the Paleo low carb grain-free diet, which she reportedly follows according to such reliable sources as sites with names like "Daily Scoop" and "Hollywood Instead." Umm, sure.
  • Let's tackle the "kamikaze free spirit." With apologies to Megan (who we know does not care), this is somewhat redundant since kamikaze means "spirit wind" or "divine wind." Hence we have Spirit Wind Free Spirit. Which could be her clothes, since she often chooses attire that exposes her to the wind quite freely. (Applause from paparazzi)

As to the "peaceful warrior" part? We have that fully interpreted, thanks to celebrity uber-trainer Harley Pasternak. He also trained Jessica Simpson, and Maria Menounos told me an in exclusive interview that she credits him for teaching her how to use a pedometer to walk off 40 pounds.

Harley told People magazine that he worked with Megan during and after her pregnancy. (Hint to Harley: Might want to consider expanding the name of your "Five Factor" workout to "Five Factor Peaceful Warrior" workout to reflect the amazing results that Megan achieved so quickly after her pregnancy!)

Said Harley:

The workouts we did are like all of my other Five Factor workouts. They are five phases: a minimum five minute cardio warm-up, a lower body sculpting exercise, an upper body toning exercise, then an abdominal sculpting exercise, and finally, a five minute cool down.

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