Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably know there is a large, well-funded group of Christians around the world who are followers of Family Radio's Harold Camping and who are absolutely convinced that God will transport them to heaven today at 6pm.
Camping, who once predicted the very same thing would happen in September of 1994 (author's note: it didn't) claims that 6pm will mark the beginning of a round of earthquakes followed by five months of hell on Earth for those not beamed up by their divine Scotty today. At the end of that five months, Camping says, Jesus will heroically destroy the world like all those heroic Bond villains have strived to do for decades.
When asked if God operated on Eastern Standard Time, Camping has stated that he believes God will strike each time zone separately at their respective 6pms. Of course this means that as of the writing of this piece, New Zealand and Fiji should have already reported massive sudden disappearances of their populous, something that has not happened. So it's looking more and more like Jesus is late again, or more likely, isn't coming.
But despite The Rapture looking less likely to happen, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is nothing if not prepared should it arrive anyway:
"Official policy from the Sanitation Department and Department of Transportation, if it does end tomorrow, alternate side parking will be suspended," Bloomberg joked on WOR's John Gambling on his weekly radio show. "Although I think alternate side parking will take on a whole different meaning."
Also, if the world ended Saturday, "it would fix our traffic problems," the mayor said. "I don't think you have to worry about returning library books, parking tickets."
But the mayor said the city was protected from certain doom. Our savior: The Knicks.
"The world cannot end tomorrow. Do you know why?" the mayor asked. "It can't end until at least until the Knicks win a championship again. So we've got a long time to go."
But now let’s be serious for a moment. We’re all having a lot of fun mocking this insanely idiotic belief, but Camping’s campaign actually does have real serious consequences. Take for instance, this report of a woman who unsuccessfully tried to murder her own kids to spare them the pain of the world's destruction.
Lest we never forget that there’s always a price for perpetuating superstition, and as far as I’m concerned, Camping has blood on his hands.
Comments