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May Day of the Dead: South Congress Zombie Walk

Perhaps the greatest sacrilege known to humankind, not including the recent remake of Bad Lieutenant, is the zombiewalk. What is a zombiewalk you ask? Then you’re an idiot. I refuse to describe this heinous atrocity of a mockery of a tribute. If you are an idiot and you have the internet and for some reason you’re not on craigslist and you still don’t know what a zombiewalk is go to where they very cleverly list a zombie walk as being also known as a zombie mob, zombie march, zombie horde, zombie lurch, zombie shamble, zombie shuffle or zombie crawl. A zombie shuffle for crying out loud! What is this some kind of rejected fifties dance craze?

Why sacrilege you ask? Perhaps that is the better question. Why do people watch horror movies? Slow down at accidents? Rent Keanu Reeves movies? Smell it after some says “EWWW! Smell this.”? It is not because people are terrified of the impending Zombie Apocalypse but because they are afraid it may not actually happen. They have little faith. So instead of practicing destroying zombies as they should zombie walkers content themselves with practicing being zombies (which most of them will end up as anyway). The fascination with doing so is intense one can find entire websites devoted to the practice such as

The Guinness Book of World Records officially records the largest gathering of zombies at 4,026. The record was set in England on August 6, 2009. 8,000 zombies amassed for a zombie crawl in Grand Rapid, Michigan on October 30, 2009, this record is not verified by Guinness, however, presumably because it is nearly impossible to tell the difference between a scumbag from Michigan and someone dressed as a zombie.

None-the-less, you should participate (or protest) the impending zombiewalk here in Austin on May 1st. It begins at 6 PM at Trophy’s (Note. If you are a hipster you know this as that bar from that really cool movie Slacker. If you’re not you know it as the best dive bar in our fair city). Come dressed in your best Zombie, Victim, or Slayer regalia. There will be live music and beer but you probably guessed that. Check it out here


  • Travis Seewald 5 years ago

    Love itI will be at the Zombie Walk.

  • Carl J (your former neighbor) 5 years ago

    Will try to make it out for that, looks like it'll be a blast!

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