If you Google relationship advice for men or women, your search results will be rife with results. Not necessarily high caliber results, but results nonetheless. The advice you find on the inter-webs is the kind of advice you give to acquaintances: not friends. Wouldn't you rather have down-to-earth advice from someone who can keep it real without the fluffy verbiage?
That's where Matt Dillingham, a Germantown MD resident, comes in. In addition to being an account executive at a financial firm by day, he used to serve in the Marine Corp, where he was in the reserves.
"Four years ago, I was at President Obama's inauguration, in a formal blue overcoat, slightly warming up with hand warmers ensconced in my gloves. Other than the fact that it was ridiculously cold, I was honored to have marched for our current president,"said Dillingham.
Dillingham, as a whole, has lived an enriching life linked with hallmark events but regardless of the many epochs in his life, his humble nature resonates with his salient advice.
"I'm naturally friendly with people. I guess I get it from my dad, who was a high school teacher," Dillingham said. Even in sales, you have to be friendly and if you can make people feel at ease, that's always great. It's great if you can also hold conversation and it's what I do with clients, at my day job. Being easy going keeps us all happy."
It also doesn't hurt that he has 7+ years of experience in the love department. His exhaustive research from the library, internet, close female friends and with previous long-term girlfriends, Dillingham is able to synthesize his findings into compelling precepts on Love E.Q for both men and women.
For example,"Men and women have starkly different thinking behaviors. Men expect women to look like they are 25 forever while women have false expectations of men being mysterious and loyal like they are from fairy tales. Women get too wound up on all of these myths about men and ultimately screw themselves over with reality. If women learn how men act and men learn how women act, relationships would last longer than expected, especially in the D.C area," advised Dillingham.
Oft-times Dillingham has been compared to Will Smith's character from the movie Hitch, even though he feels this is a falsehood.
"I'm not like him at all. He's smoother than I. I wasn't even a nerd in high school. I had a better grasp of my surroundings and was able to relate to people back then."
Instead of being compared to Hitch, hopefully gets to be recognized for what he really is: Mr. Common Sense.
In between sharing Love E.Q advice, Dillingham confided that even though he is easy going, he can't eat desserts with nuts speckled on them. "I don't get the point in adding nuts on a dessert. Aren't they like two separate entities? I can only eat nuts and desserts separately."
Analogous to his food musings, Dillingham is a singular man with sagacious relationship advice seeping out of his confabulations. Hopefully, Mr. Common Sense considers penning a book in the future. In the meantime, here are some of his musings partitioned for both men and women.
Mr. Common Sense Musings for the Gents
- Women want men with a backbone. So even nice guys need to amp it up in that department.
- Guys need to learn to cook since most men don't cook. I assure you, this will make you stand out.
- Write poems. It doesn't matter if it's a work of art, as long as it comes from emotions and feelings.
- Men, it's okay to get help in this department. In the society we live in, it's often frowned upon for men to ask for relationship help since we are suppose to know its inner-workings.
- Remember to fine-tune your listening skills since women like it when you listen to them and remember conversation.
- Women can sense if you are nervous so remember to halt your loquacious tongue. Of course, this goes both ways. Being a chatterbox can kill the mood.
- Get her flowers occasionally and by surprise. Do it too often and you will empty your bank accounts fast.
- Have a sense of humor. That will get you far. As long as you are not boring, you will do fine.
- I get that going on dates can be stressful at times. But cut out the interviewing process already. Dates are suppose to be fun, so don't treat it like a job interview. If you feel a mutual connection, go with the flow.
Mr. Common Sense Musings for the Ladies
- Women, please stop being overly analytic. Rumination will not solve your problems; It will only drive you crazy. If he buys you a gift, it means he likes you.
- Men can't read your minds, so stop keeping everything to yourself. Be specific with what you want from us and, in return, you will be a happier person.
- Men will talk to you when they are ready. So stop forcing it. The reason we don't talk about problems initially is because we want to figure everything out ourselves and then ask for your help. Trust me, when you suggest anything, we will get defensive. We automatically feel criticized and none of us want to feel that way.
- When we ask for help, it means we want it. Guys are simple creatures, please remember that.
- Male Jack-A** Theory: Reason why men are A** H**** is because we don't know how to treat women. Growing up, a lot of us are taught to treat women well and with respect. After awhile, women get bored of that and vie for a jerk. When a man gets heart broken a few times ( at least once), we prove the theory right. Women break up with us for being too nice so we start being mean. Men get nothing from women when we are too nice. Jerks get alot from women since they are attracted to it.
- As I said before, women need to stop buying into what the media says about love. It's not true. Prince Charming is not real so stop watching "Cinderalla" ten times already. We're raised to pay with toys, go to school, get a job but never to attract or to treat a woman well. It's sad, but true. Men are taught to be stoic, cold, manly and emotionless.
Mr. Common Sense Precepts to Keep your Men in Line
- Women will always confuse men and vice versa. That's just the way it is in life.
- Acknowledge that you both have a problem. Communication goes both ways and it's the glue that binds a relationship for the long haul.
- As I said, like a million times, women need to chill out with the over-analyzations. When you over think something, it turns into negative thinking. When that negative thinking seeps into the crevices of your head, they become negative expectations that you place on your man. Please stop while you are ahead and communicate simply to us. As I said before, we are simple creatures.
- Men need to hear compliments on a consistent basis. It's not "I Love You" but a "Thank You" that affects us strongly. We want hear that we treat you well. That we are a good man who cares about you. That, alone, will motivate men the most and keep him faithful.
- The radio, TV, and news have 24 hours of male bashing. No wonder men can be jerks. Since society is telling men to be cruel, it's up to women to be sensitive to their men and to treat him with kindness.
- Men are sensitive too. They just don't like to admit it. Even when they hide the tears, anger or fear, they are just jam-packed with all sorts of feelings that they can't express because they weren't taught to do so effectively.
And for those Paralyzed with Socially Awkward Behaviors
- Before you get into the dating scene, learn confidence skills. You can even arm yourself with tips from Google.
- Read books, listen to audios and practice--ALOT!
- If you can, go to seminars regularly since that will inculcate much needed skills in this field.
- Also remember to join socials like D.C kickball, Play Baltimore, and even J.T Yaung's Meetup.com group events.
- Watch how you talk about yourself too. How do you feel about yourself? Instead of downplaying yourself, build up your self-esteem.
- Start saying that you are a catch; i',m a good person; and people will love me because of innumerable reasons. Confidence is always key.
- Get a hobby. Want to be a better biker, join a league and practice on the weekends. Want to be an adept runner, well run then. Hobbies build confidence and help in the dating scene.
If you want to get more advice from Mr. Common Sense, himself, e-mail Matt Dillingham at Matt.firstname.lastname@example.org. He's always happy to give out free advice to Washingtonians.