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Marriage and money

Are you and your sweety fighting over money?
Are you and your sweety fighting over money?

If you're married--and have been for longer than a month or two--there is a good chance you've argued over money. It's one of the main causes sighted for divorce and marital discord. Regardless of if you have  a whole bunch or not enough, at some point, money becomes an issue.

Money has a kind of value that goes far beyond its bargaining ability. It represents a lot of different things to a lot of different people. To some, it is stability and security. To others, it is status and opportunity. To others, still, it has a hidden meanings that only they will know. These emotional attachments to money, coupled with people's varying spending habits, create a hot-button issue just waiting to wreak havoc on unsuspecting marriages.

In many marriages, a portion of the problems around money come from a lack of transparency. He may not know how much you charged until the bill comes. She may not know the electricity bill wasn't paid until the lights go out. This is not the right time to discuss money issues. Your spouse should hear from you what you have (or haven't) been doing with your money.

What kind of spender are you? Ideally, this is a question that should be asked before marriage, but better late than never. Knowing this information lets you know what you're dealing with and what you two need to do to meet your financial goals. Speaking of financial goals, get some. Sit down together and make a financial plan that you both can agree on. It doesn't have to be complicated and full of numbers and equations, but it should map out what your major expenses are, what your saving goals and contributions are and how much spending cash you can afford each week. After you've made a financial plan, revisit it often. It may need to be revised to meet your changing needs.

Be realistic. Understand how much money you all have and live your life accordingly. If you can't afford that new iPhone, don't convince yourself that it's ok to buy it because you deserve it.  Assuming you're a good person, you deserve a lot of things, but that doesn't mean they're in your budget. Many couples saddle themselves with unnecessary debt because of fancy houses, expensive cars and flat screen TVs. Everyone wants to look like they're living the American dream, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your credit score and peace of mind. It is better to be relaxed and happy in a small apartment than stressed and angry in a big house.

Sending beautiful energy your way,

~Nadirah Angail

Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)

All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved.


  • Sakina- Islamic Issues Examiner 5 years ago

    Salaam, sis. Thanks for your note on Your A Creator.
    I've subscribed to your updates. I like your writing style and will be back to benefit from this wisdom, inshaAllah.

    Take Care & I'm so glad you found me. :)

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