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Marriage and expectations

Spouses and expectations
Spouses and expectations

When a couple becomes one, it is not uncommon for expectations to exist. In fact, expectations are expected.

Ron Mumbower, a local church-based family counselor, believes there is nothing wrong with couples having expectations. However, oftentimes, these expectations don't surface until conflict is triggered.

"An expectation is a resentment waiting to happen," Mumbower says.

Why do expectations toss so many couples into a whirlwind? Possibly, this is because the couple has not discussed these expectations before tying the knot.

Another local expert, Barbara Martin, LPC, LMFT, emphasized the importance of couples talking through these expectations before marriage.

"If this has not been done and this issue comes up after a couple is married, it is so important to communicate openly around this and if this is difficult find someone who can instruct them on good communication tools."

Both Mumbower and Martin agree on the fact that spouses' expectations are based on what their parents modeled for them. For example, if a man's mother cooked dinner daily, he might expect his wife to do the same.

Martin offered the example of a spouse growing up in a household where the father handled the finances. "Your expectation might be that your husband is the one to take on that role," Martin says.

Expectations are normal. For the sake of peace in your home, be open about them.


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