friendly walk

Do you feel like your husband does not listen to you? Sometimes, do you think he does not even want to try? Men process information differently than women. Here are 6 tips to try today. You will see he really does care.

 Women's Health magazine has some great tips about this topic, and this author has added a few of her own.

1. Direct eye contact can cause men to feel threatened, and go into fight or flight survival mode. The best way to talk with your husband is when you doing something side by side, like walking, eating dinner together on the sofa, or driving in the car. This will put him at ease.

2. Give him the headlines, speak directly to your point. According to a study in NeuroImage, a man's brain hears men's voices as speech, and women's voices as music. Try starting with " Here is why I am upset", or "The bottom line is."  That way he can actually understand what you are saying, instead of getting lost in the "music". Men get the point when you make it clear.

3.  When you are talking to your husband, does he scrunch up his forehead and look confused?  He is probably trying to figure out a solution, or a fix, for what you are saying.  When women present men with a problem, men interpret this as a request to fix it.  If you simply want to vent, then start the conversation with, " I just need you to listen to me."  When you tell him what you need up front, he will be able to give you what you want, because he knows what to do. 

4. Men have a lot of testosterone. This makes them competitive. Compliments help them to feel important, and powerful. If you want something from your husband, start with sincere compliments, provide positive reinforcement, and challenge him to rise to the occasion. For example, "You are so much fun to be with, I would love it if we could go to the food store together."

 5. Choose your words. If you need to give negative feedback, give it in a sandwich. Say something positive, then the negative feedback, and finish with something positive. For example, "You did a great job trimming the trees yesterday" (positive). "I think the bush out front needs to be shorter" (negative feedback). "I know that you have a good eye, and I would love it if you  would take a look at it again this weekend" (positive).

6. Choose your timing. The end of a long work day, or when he is trying to get out the door, are not good times to talk. Choose the right moment, when you both have the time and attention to engage. One further hint. The article states that men listen best between 4 and 6pm, because this is when their testosterone levels dip. Do an experiment and notice if choosing this time frame makes a difference.

THE GOOD NEWS IS: Follow this advice and you will never be tuned out by your husband again.

Don't forget to subscribe to the West Palm Beach Marriage Examiner for the latest tips about how to have a happy marriage.

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***© 2009 all rights reserved Debra Joy Goldman The above articles may not be rewritten, copied, published, broadcast, or redistributed, wholly or in any part, without the express written permission of Debra Joy Goldman