As most married couples may know, there are several time frames in a marriage. The most fun stage, as we all know, is the newlywed stage. Which, actually, can be the most stressful stage. If you do not have all your “ducks in a row” as they say, it is possible to have highs and lows early in your marriage. All healthy marriages experience change and transition. That’s what keeps them alive and growing.
Some of the stages of growth are predictable, others are not. Some say that the newlywed time frame may be zero to 5 or 6yrs. the middle stage maybe the 5 or 6 yr. mark to about the 25yr. mark. And that the later yours could be the 25+yrs. but these time frames may not be concrete.
Although romantic love is a wonderful stage of marriage, most marriage relationships do not continue to have the emotional high of romantic love and infatuation on a daily basis for years and years. This doesn't mean that romance and passion is out the window. It is amazing that some can think that the person you have been in a relationship with for 6 months to a year will stay the same.
The first little while a couple is together is always the fastest, more fun and the hottest. That is why long term relationships take work. Romantic love is when your brain chemicals kick in and you have feelings of exhilaration and extreme passion. So may be the question is what do you after that wears off. Well, let’s see…again, you work at it. It would seem like a pretty easy concept, right?
But more often than not this is where some couple may feel that they lost interest in each other and just may not be case at all. Your marriage may just need to transition into the level. We’ll call that one the “reality” level. The reality stage of marriage can be a scary time as the two of you may feel disillusionment, keep score, think that the two of you are in a rut, play power struggle games, and challenge one another over little things.
Here your hormones have settled down and day to day issues seem bigger than they need to be. Here is where the work begins. You have to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Forever psychiatrists have told couples to keep dating; now you have to fan the flame that once burned easily. There is this misconception that if “this relationship begins to feel like work” then I’m out.
News flash, they all will begin to need some work. When you each take responsibility for a rubbish marriage instead of projecting blame, you are on your way to change. As long as it's the other person's fault, in your mind, you will remain stuck in a rut and that is a fact. When you change the way you look at things, lose your ego and say hello to humility guess what, you become instantly very attractive once again.
Some people utilize filtering as a tool, which is; we take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.
Or, with blaming we hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions. There will be peaks and valleys in any relationships, why don’t we try working as a team to overcome them?
More articles: http://www.examiner.com/marriage-in-wichita-falls/jack-lopez