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Man bit by zombie on Boulder Creek Path

A gruesome zombie bite.
A gruesome zombie bite.
Photo by wigu at

On the evening of March 2 a Boulder man who shall remain anonymous was walking his dog on Boulder Creek Path when he was accosted by a zombie. At first he believed, because of the shambling and the outstretched arms, that the person approaching him was a vagrant about to ask for loose change or to bum a cigarette. Only when the stranger leaned down and bit a sizeable chunk out of the dog’s neck did the man realize he was dealing not with a vagrant of the street, but with a vagrant of the grave.

He attempted to fight the zombie off. This was his primary mistake. Had he fled he would have lost his dog, but probably nothing more because zombies are slow. They are, however, possessed of super-strength, which rendered his attempts at defense fatal. Due to lack of knowledge of his enemy, the man not only lost his beloved dog, but the zombie also managed to bite him in the leg.

Step one in the instance of a zombie bite is react fast. A quick response could ensure not only that you keep your limb, but that you do not become infected yourself. Zombie venom spreads quickly. Depending on the severity of the bite, there is anywhere from five to fifteen minutes before zombism begins to take hold.

Treat the wound like a snakebite, but do not have a friend suck out the poison! Your friend may begin gnawing off your leg even as he is attempting to save you!

Also, do not elevate the bite. If the bite is on an extremity, keep it below the level of the heart.

Step two is restrict blood flow. Start as high as possible on the extremity and bind the limb tightly, wrapping downwards toward the bite.

Step three is the least pleasant but the most necessary. The Boulder Creek path victim took himself to Boulder Community Hospital, where their bumbling attempts at healing the necromantic wound are the only reason the man is still alive. However, the question of how long he will stay alive remains. It is advisable to remove the limb. Nothing less will prevent the total infection of the host by the zombism virus.

The victim’s dog has not been found. Keep an eye out for a slow-moving, dead-eyed, fur-sloughing, slavering terrier.


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