Well ladies and gentleman, I present to you my 10th Edition of "Feedback from Readers."
If you are a regular reader and loyal follower of my column, you already know that after every five-to-seven articles, I tend to feature responses I receive from my male and female readers. Usually I receive these responses either from my personal Email address (email@example.com), or via my Facebook inbox.
Click here to read my previous edition(s) of "Feedback from Readers."
Since my very first article on The Examiner.com in August of 2009, which of my articles have provoked the most feedback from men and women?
Top 5 articles that have provoked the most feedback from women:
Comment: Just the other day, I received yet another e-mail message regarding this article. The vast majority of my female readers found this article of mine, published on July 5, 2010, to be very enlightening.
Comment: This article actually grabbed the attention of many other bloggers and women who wanted to re-publish it on their own websites, which I found extremely flattering.
3) Men and women have vastly different attitudes toward casual sex and friendship
Comment: I received a LOT of feedback from women regarding this article. At the risk of generalizing, most women hate it when a man has harsh criticisms of (single) men and (single) women being nothing more than 'platonic friends' indefinitely. In many ways, it's as if they take "personal offense" to any criticism of platonic friendships. Despite the criticisms and harsh disagreements I received, I stand by everything I said in that article.
Comment: If there was one article I wrote that just about all of my female readers hated, criticized, or vehemently disagreed with, it was this one. I received a number of Facebook messages and e-mail messages after this one was published. Again, I stand by everything I wrote in that piece, even if I wrote everything in a satirical tone.
Comment: If I showed you some of the responses I received from women after writing this article ... you would blush. Enough said. What's interesting is, I thought women would challenge and criticize this article, but the vast majority of women said they totally agreed with just about everything I said.
Top 5 articles that have provoked the most feedback from men:
Comment: I receive messages from male readers to this day about this article. Not only from men in the US, but from men in a number of other countries. Many men said they found this article to be enlightening, entertaining, and educational, which is what I wish for all of my published articles to be.
2) Columnist not too keen on the use of "subcommunication" as a form of seduction
Comment: Men have typically given me positive feedback on probably 90-95% of my published articles. This article was one of the less-than-handful that many men did not like, or did not agree with. The vast majority of men who fancy themselves as "pick up artists" are all about the concept of "subcommunication" (i.e., showing a woman that you are interested in her sexually via your facial expressions and overall body language rather than being verbally blunt and direct about your sexual desires and interests), so those types hated this article of mine. At minimum, I believe subcommunication is highly overrated, and at maximum, I believe it is generally ineffective.
Comment: This article is another of the less-than-handful that I published that men did not like or did not agree with. Many men, quite frankly, believe it is much easier to seduce a woman into having (casual) sex by lying to them and giving them the misleading impression that they want a long-term, emotionally profound, monogamous relationship than to attempt to seduce them by straightforwardly telling them that all you want is casual sex. They might be right. Playing with someone's emotions might be "easier," but my strong opinion is that it is simply wrong and unethical. As one man said, "There should be no 'ethics' involved with trying to get laid." Yeah, okay. Riiiiiiiiight.
Comment: This article resonated with a LOT of my male readers. They absolutely loved it. They loved it so much, that many of them suggested that I expand on the themes and ideas in this article and turn it into a new book. They asked, and they received: My fourth book, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly, was based totally on this article and one other previous article. What has been interesting about that book is, no women I know have offered any 'negative' reviews ... but at the same time, none of them (except for one female friend of mine on Amazon.com) have offered a positive review either. The women have generally remained silent about the contents of that book. Hmmm . . .
5) 7 types of ladies' men who have 'game'
Comment: This article received a "mixed" response from men. Many men agreed with my categorizations of men and their behavior toward women, while an almost equal number of men disagreed with my various categories. I cannot please everyone! (nor do I usually try to)
Now, on to the feedback I received regarding the last five (5) articles of mine that were published. Per usual, I generally only highlight those responses from readers that fall into one of these three categories:
- A response that is representative of a strong disagreement to one or more of the opinions I expressed in a previous article;
- A response that is representative of a very strong agreement to one or more of the opinions I expressed in a previous article;
- A desire for further clarification and understanding to something I expressed or asserted in a previous article.
[Note: Also per usual, all first names have been changed for the sake of anonymity, and many questions and/or comments may have been edited, condensed or paraphrased to some degree in order to either save space or correct spelling and grammatical errors]
Email feedback in response to my article, "What the Petraeus Affair says about the sexual behavior of both men and women"
From Katrina D.:
"I came across one of your articles while searching for another article on Google. The problem I have with your most recent article is that it sounds like you tend to assume that women 'choose' to associate their emotions with sex. If indeed that is your assumption, it is a very wrong one. Personally, I cannot have sex with a man without allowing my emotions to get involved. I believe that is how all women are wired. When you allow a man to ENTER your body, you are being extremely vulnerable to him. How can that not create some degree of emotional attachment? The extramarital affair that happened with the former CIA Director (David Petraeus) was unfortunate, but the reality is, his mistress (Paula Broadwell) probably would have never agreed to have sex with him unless she had an emotional attachment to him. My opinion!!"
Alan's response: Katrina, you say yourself, "I cannot have sex with a man without allowing my emotions to get involved." The key word is "allowing." No one forces women to become emotionally attached to each and every man that she has sex with.
You need to read this article I wrote in December 2011 entitled, "Do women have to be 'in love' in order to experience great sex?" Again, I believe that the vast majority of women choose to only have sex with men who they have some type of emotional attachment to. I do not feel that it is in a woman's "DNA" to fall in love with every man they have sex with. If that were truly the case, as I say in that previous article, there would be no such thing as street prostitutes, professional Call Girls, or high-priced, upscale Erotic Escorts.
Very few if any men I know treat sex like an "emotional bonding event." I mentioned in a previous article that for men, sex is primarily for relieving stress, conquering boredom, and/or satiating our ego. I know for me, giving a woman a key to my apartment, house, dormitory room, or car is more representative of me "emotionally bonding" with her than me simply exchanging orgasms with her.
Email feedback in response to my article, "Suzy Favor Hamilton's 'double life' is typical of a sexually duplicitous woman"
From Treychelle W.:
"Alan, since you seem to like people to 'keep it real,' I am going to give it to you straight. All women have two sides to their sexuality. All women. Any woman who says she doesn't is lying. Men and women are not that different Alan. I think you know this. Just like you guys have some women you want to date and settle down with, and other women you just want to screw (i.e., have casual sex with), we are the same way. There are some men I meet that I look at as husband material, other men I just want to screw, and other men that I just want to be (platonic) friends with. The difference is, women are criticized by society if we come out (publicly) and admit that. That is why we are 'duplicitous' as you refer to it as. Sometimes we just want some d**k! :)"
Alan's response: Well Treychelle, the first thing I am going to do is give your e-mail address to Katrina above, so you can explain to her what you conveyed to me. As you correctly surmised, you are not sharing anything with me that I do not already know. Many of my close female friends, former girlfriends, former casual sex lovers, and other female acquaintances have admitted to me over the years what you said in your feedback message.
I do not know if I agree with your assertion that "all women" are like how you described, but I definitely agree that a good number of single heterosexual women fall into the category you described. I talk about this in my book, Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex.
Email feedback in response to my article, "If you treat all women as if they are 'special' to you, then none of them are"
From Kathleen R.:
"A girlfriend of mine shared your article with me, and I found it amusing and irritating at the same time. I feel that marriages and relationships are way too complex to have you reduce the importance of them to simply 'talking and fu**ing.' I wanted much more from my ex-husband than good conversation and good sex. I want more than that from any man I am romantically involved with. I am similar to the woman you criticized from your relationship chat event. Even when I indulge in acts of 'casual sex,' I do not want to be treated like a whore or a prostitute. I want to be treated like a woman with a full range of emotions who has a high degree of respect for herself. The only opinion of yours I agreed with was when you said most men do not favor platonic friendships with women. That is so true, and in the long run, that is their loss. You are quite an interesting opinion writer Mr. Currie. I will keep my eye out for future articles from you."
Alan's response: I will start off by saying thank you to your girlfriend for sharing my article with you, and I thank you for expressing a desire to continue to read articles full of my very strong opinions and very valid (or sometimes, invalid) assertions related to male-female interactions, dating and relationships, love and sex, and attraction and seduction. Quick note: I received more Facebook "likes" on this article in the first 24 hours after it was published than any other article that I've had published on The Examiner.com
I stand by what I said in the article. I did not say that the ONLY two important components of a relationship are talking and exchanging orgasms, but I will say that I think those are the two most important components.
Let's be real: Would you remain in a long-term monogamous relationship or marriage with a man who you do not enjoy having regular conversations with? If so, why? Would you remain in a long-term monogamous relationship or marriage with a man who you do not enjoy having sex with regularly? If your answer is 'yes,' I want you to please explain why.
Now I am not naive about some of the more shallow and superficial women of the world. There are many women who marry men because of their degree of career success, financial success, and/or social status, and with those types, they could give a hoot about good conversation or good sex. Are you one of these women Kathleen? I talk about these types of women in Part Two of my latest book, The Possibility of Sex. Please write me and tell me. I am very curious to hear from you (again).
Email feedback in response to my article, "Columnist feels that many women use the term 'creepy' excessively and invalidly"
From Darnell M.:
"Alan, I am so glad you wrote this article! I hate when women call men 'creepy' simply because men express an interest in having sex with a woman in a bold and direct manner, like your book Mode One encourages. Also, the whole older man-younger woman scenario you spoke of. There is nothing creepy about Brent Musberger gushing over Miss Alabama's looks!! I would think he was weird or creepy if he DIDN'T acknowledge her beauty. Explain to me why women are so goofy and weird about anything sexual!! LOL"
Alan's response: I would not necessarily call women "weird" or "goofy" (although some women can surely be both), but I would say it is more related to this previous article I wrote ("The social programming of women often leaves many men feeling confused and frustrated") and also what I discussed in Part One of my book, Say it Again.
I would place most of the blame on women's family members (i.e., mother, father, older brother, etc.). The reality is this: You ask one-hundred fathers are they cool with their daughters engaging in frequent episodes of short-term non-monogamous sex, and I guarantee you that 95-99% of them will say, "I am not down with that."
Just like I would argue that no man or woman is born a racist ... racism is something that is taught to men and women while they are young, usually by one or more of their parents ... same with negative attitudes toward sex. Of the women I have dated or interacted with personally who had 'negative' and/or 'prudish' attitudes toward sex, significantly over half of them said most of their attitudes came from an older family member. Usually their father or step-father, and in many cases their mother, older brother, aunt, uncle, or grandparent.
As men, we are different. My late mother never told me "don't engage in casual sex." She just encouraged me to be "smart" and "safe" (i.e., wear condoms). I bet money though that if my parents had a daughter, there would have been a clear double standard in our house regarding casual sex and premarital sex. I know that for sure. That is how most members of my parents' generation were.
Email feedback in response to my article, "Ten of the most highly invalid beliefs (a.k.a. myths) related to attraction and dating"
From Marilyn B.:
"Mr. Currie!! How dare you describe many great TRUTHS as 'myths!' I disagreed with no less than half of the ten 'myths' you listed. I think because you are a man with very liberal tendencies, your opinions are very skewed to say the least. Of the Top 3 you listed for men, I disagreed with all three! Of the Top 3 you listed for women, I disagreed with #1 and #3 (and I only partially agreed with myth #2). Of the Top 4 you listed for both genders, I disagreed with #3 and #4. I only date men who come across to me as a 'gentlemen with class.' I don't date broke, unemployed losers who talk about sex 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. I have always been labeled a 'good girl' by men, and I never have made the first move with a man. Finally, most women I know have no desire to date a man who is an egotistical 'control freak' with no proclivities toward compromising. I have never had sex with any of my male 'friends,' and never will. Your article represents the main reason why I am in my mid-thirties and still not married! I will not settle for low quality men!! Shame on you Mr. Currie!"
Alan's response: So wait a minute. You say that you are in your "mid-thirties." Let's say, you are thirty-five years of age. So ... you are saying that from the time you turned 18 until now, you have not met one man who had a good job, exhibited behavior that was 'classy' and 'gentlemanlike,' and did not talk about sex all day and all night? All of these "good male friends" you have, and not one of them was worthy of dating?
To borrow Darnell's words above, that sounds sort of "goofy" and "weird" to me. If you were married, or involved in a long-term relationship, and you offered those same criticisms, I might say, "Hmmm ... she might have a point or two." But the fact that you essentially admitted that you are still single and unmarried lets me know that your criteria for a romantic companion are probably so nitpicky, unrealistic, and persnickety that you will more-than-likely continue to have a hard time identifying a "good man."
Even current President Barack Obama took out First Lady Michelle Obama on a first date in a car with a hole in the floor. I guess in your eyes, he would have been a "loser" with big ears!!
The nerve of some women.
Happy Valentine's Day folks.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook is available exclusively on Amazon.com in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android smartphone, or other smartphone. If you are sign up for Amazon.com's PRIME membership, you can read Alan Roger Currie's new eBook for FREE. More details on Amazon.com
Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program nationally in the category of "Romance" and dating & relationships on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, can be heard LIVE every Thursday evening at 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/modeone and http://modeone.net for more details