Brice Royer
Brice Royer founded TCKID, a non-profit organization with the purpose of helping third culture kids and adults find a sense of belonging. The organization has over 23,000 members and more than forty local groups all over the world. His views have been featured on the BBC, ABC News, The Telegraph, Education Week and the U.S. Department of Defense.
Brice was kind enough to answer my questions:
Trick question: Where are you from?
When people ask me that question, I just joke around and say: “My mom says I'm from heaven.”
Globalization has made the question “Where are you from?” irrelevant and outdated to define identity. It’s like asking “What color is your skin?”
It's difficult to form a deep connection with a Third Culture Kid with that question. They don't necessarily identify themselves with their passport country.
I'm not saying that geography doesn't matter anymore, it's just less relevant to identity. Presupposing where you belong geographically often leads to division instead of encouraging common grounds with people. I don't belong to any countries, I belong with people who share my values. They can live anywhere!
My longer answer to the question is this: "My dad is half French-Vietnamese and my mom is Ethiopian. I grew up a bit everywhere so I'm not from any country. I'm culturally mixed." It's often met with funny facial expressions of intrigue, awe, confusion and surprise. "Oh, you're a global citizen!" or "Wow, that's very exotic," is the common response. If they're confused with a blank look on their face I just say "Don't worry, I'm just as confused as you are. But if you're open-minded and you love traveling, then you and I probably share a lot more in common than you think!"
How has being a third culture kid impacted your life? (positively and negatively)
Being a Third Culture Kid actually caused a physical illness for two years for me. I couldn't use my hands without feeling pain. The doctors told me I would die and couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. After some poking and probing I found out that I was grieving -- grieving because I had no sense of belonging. Since then I've learned how to pick myself up, connect with those who are like me, and devoted my life to help others. Being a Third Culture Kid became a blessing because I'm now sensitive to people who don't fit in. I'm able to love and connect with people regardless of their culture, race, age or physical ability.
You can watch this video to know the whole story:
Based on your experience with TCKs, what are the characteristics of TCKs?
TCKs are constantly on the move since they were born, this allows them to learn and have some great characteristics. Because of the condition that they grew up in they tend to adapt quickly to new surroundings, unfamiliar cities, countries, people, cultures etc. They make great cultural bridges because they're open minded and less prejudiced of others. They're very observant and sensitive of other people. A lot of us have adapted to living in the present because we never know where we're going to be tomorrow. A high percentage of TCKs attend university and obtain advanced degrees.
TCKs tend to speak more than one language, some 3 or 4. I think some of them are geniuses, but not me. I only speak one language: Bricenese. It's a mix of French, English, Japanese and random words that no one understands!
Do you have any advice for TCKs who are looking for a sense of belonging? (please specify)
What surprised me the most is that many TCKs don't actually want to belong, because belonging means losing yourself. The comfort zone for TCKs is that space where they have no belonging. We go back to that space in different phases of our lives. To truly belong and know someone is to lose your freedom and power, it's about being vulnerable and opening up. That can be scary for many people. Familiarity is the illusion of safety. It's the reason why people stay in abusive relationships or never open up. Don't be afraid of healthy change.
I once asked a 13-year-old, Emily (name changed for privacy), "What is a sense of belonging?" and she responded, "To me a sense of belonging is if I'd jump off a cliff and a friend would catch my hand and save me." We want to feel safe, comforted and connected.
Why is it important to have a sense of belonging? A 10-year study found that people with more friends were 22% less likely to die. In many studies, friendship has an even greater effect on health than a spouse or family member.
Here's the secret: Before finding a sense of belonging, you need to belong to yourself. When I was young, I didn't know who I was. If you don't know who you are, it's because you haven't opened up to enough people. Others reveal who you really are. Learning to connect with yourself before connecting to others is crucial. Reliable friends to be patient, loving, fun and trustworthy. They're often seniors, mentors, caregivers, counselors, trustworthy friends and family members.
The relevant question when making a decision to move to a different country is not "What will I get?" but "Who will I become?"
A wise 93-year old woman once told me: "You'll find out who your real friends are after you get surgery." I think she's right. You need to be your own best friend and trust that you will be safe, no matter where you go in the world.
Please list some resources TCKs can use to get information and network with other TCKs:
Free Online Classes with Ruth Van Reken, Paulette Bethel and Brice Royer
A Cross Cultural Community of over 21,000 members of all ages
Thanks to Brice Royer for answering my questions!
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Comments
That's a great interview Emylou! He sounds like a remarkable person!
Phoenix This Day in History Examiner
Tucson Abusive Relationships Examiner
I am excited to read an article like this. Thank you Brice for voicing TCK's unique experience!
TCKs definitely have their own unique issues. This was a fantastic article! Thanks for the resource links, too.
As a TCK myself, it is always wonderful and affirming to read about other TCKs in the media, especially TCKs who use their experiences to make a difference. Thank you for a great story and many thanks to Brice!
As a TCK myself, it is always wonderful and affirming to read about other TCKs in the media, especially TCKs who use their experiences to make a difference. Thank you for a great story and many thanks to Brice!
Neat topic (and what a lovely photo of yourself!)
I've subscribed.
-Liz K
National Gourmet Food Examiner
National Healthy Food Examiner
That was a very fun and serious article.
"Bricenese. It's a mix of French, English, Japanese and random words that no one understands!" -> I can relate to this a lot. Because I am multilingual words from here and there jumble up and at times I make my own language!
"Before finding a sense of belonging, you need to belong to yourself. When I was young, I didn't know who I was. If you don't know who you are, it's because you haven't opened up to enough people. Others reveal who you really are."
-> I find this extremely helpful. I am a TCK myself and have gone through so many insecurities trying to figure out who I am. I could not accept myself for a long time because I felt different from my peers. Not having a language to describe how I feel or what makes me feel the way I did (including not having a sense of belonging) confused me a lot. It really helps to feel comfortable with myself first while surrounding myself with those who understand me and have the best interests.
Hey, thanks Brice and Emylou!
I'm a TCK from Kenya and the US and I live now in China. I just wanted to clarify one thing that Brice said...
"TCKs are constantly on the move since they were born"
By definition that is not strictly true, as TCKs are made by spending "significant time" in a culture other than their passport culture during their developmental years.
I have a friend who grew up between Mexico and the US, but only in two communities, and he felt he had quite a stable even though cross-cultural childhood. --I mention this because there are some TCKs who don't thing they are one because they only had "small" experiences outside thieir home country. And yet for some, thoe experiences were life changing.
Keep up the great work, thanks for sharing!
Michael
Bravo, Brice! Thanks for all you do daily to highlight the unique challenges AND strengths of TCKs. Yes, we can become tremendously effective bridge-builders -but first some of us need to make sure our "internal infrastructure" is healed. Your experience rings true for so many of us, and I really appreciate all you do to share the wisdom you have gleaned from it with all of us.
"If you don't know who you are, it's because you haven't opened up to enough people. Others reveal who you really are."
Wow, that is gold for me. That's exactly what I needed to hear today.. thank you..
Good article!
I just say I am a Heinz 57.
That's awesome, Dawn. I haven't heard that before. :-)
Excellent interview. :)
I'm so glad you've taken on this topic Emylou. I already feel like you've educated me a lot on something that I don't know a lot about! Great work!
Great interview on an interesting subject.
Good for you for making this information known.
Such an informative article!
These articles are so fascinating. I didn't really know what Third Culture meant, but now I do - I was third culture as a kid and didn't even know it. It's so good to know that people like you are embracing this phenomena. Congrats for finding joy in this, Emylou!
Very interesting. I'm definitely subscribing to your pieces. And "hello" from a fellow ACer!
Nice, Brice. Am subscribing.
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