Honesty and open communication are important in any relationship – to get to know one another, to build trust in the relationship, etc. However, there are certain topics that can be particularly difficult to bring up when it comes to intimacy-especially when bringing up ways to make it better.
While it might be tempting to avoid difficult topics, especially if you think it will hurt your partner or the relationship, continual avoidance may actually be detrimental to the long-term health of the relationship. Being open and honest about what you desire physically will not only improve your sex life, but it will also have a positive impact on your relationship with your partner outside of the bedroom, bringing you both closer together by building trust, enhancing communication, and creating intimacy.
Below are three taboo topics along with helpful tips to have “that” conversation with your partner.
You want to bring sex toys into the bedroom….
When bringing up the topic of sex toys, be light-hearted and playful. Let him know that you really enjoy the sex you're having now, but you feel a toy will spice it up even more. If you have been curious about trying a vibrator, it is best to start with an external vibe that isn't shaped like a penis. There are many wonderful external vibrators on the market that don't even look like sex toys, such as the LifeStyles a:Muse. Many men enjoy spicing up their sex lives with toys. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic you want to explore them.
You want it to last…longer….
It is a proven fact that there is an “arousal gap” between the time when he is happy, and when you are happy. “Stop and go” methods can be annoying to say the least, because just when he is hitting that special spot he needs to stop….or it’s all over. If a sex marathon is what you are craving then a product to help men last longer might be exactly what you need. A good example is Promescent; an FDA approved Lidocaine-based topical spray, used to prolong sexual encounters allowing couples to make love longer. Promescent works to fight away “early release” which affects approximately 25% of men in the USA. And even if he doesn’t suffer from “early release,” longer lasting sex brings couples closer and more intimate.
You want me to say what???
If you have been with your partner or married for a long time and have never tried talking dirty to one another, you may feel intimidated by the very thought of inviting it into your love life. Start by telling your partner exactly what you want him to do to you, or what you want to do to him. Nothing can be more exciting to your partner than directly hearing it from your lips. When you talk dirty about your wants and desires, you are making a powerful expression of your sexuality. Then get him to talk dirty right back. Ask him leading questions on what he wants you to do and then act on his answers and then ask him with a sly, knowing smile, “like that?” Guaranteed to drive him crazy!
I recommend that people don't talk about sexual concerns in the bedroom—especially after something goes wrong. Your partner might feel bad and become insecure rather than willing to try something new. Instead bring it up when cuddling and watching television, or maybe even over dinner. Your heart might pound faster just by introducing this new topic, and you’ll look at each other in a different way. It might be embarrassing at first, and that’s okay. Have a laugh – no one said sex had to be so serious and enjoy your Valentine's Day!