Fans, it has come to my attention that the last to latest article (where we trumpeted the return before the last article posted) generated an amazing result. Not only the fact that the article returned to worldwide acclaim, but that it returned with shocking news.
Underneath the articles are a myriad of 'news' items. Sad but true, I don't pick these great nuggets of importance. But when the article returned, we struck gold.
A loyal reader pointed out that beneath the return was 'news' of Kate Middleton's nether regions. More importantly, her lack of, shall we say, maintenance. While I don't condone or condemn the royal pubic upkeep, this is historic.
When the article returns, something of royal pubic magnitude should accompany the great event. Not only that, but we have the first ever mailbag item. How can you contribute to future articles of the mailbag variety? Email me, damnit.
Brief aside...mailbag is so overused. Satchel seems much better. No, not the fact that Fat Jesus wore a satchel, just like Indiana Jones. But it seems much fancier than mailbag. Fancy...that hits home.
A reader that asked not to be named (and no, I'm not just pulling this crap to generate more reads, though it sure as hell seems that way) offered the following gold:
"OK, so Im' really writing because I read your article and then saw the NEWS below about Kate Middleton's pubic hair. Granted, that may seem like a lame reason to write, but mind you I've had 5 long Island ice tea's and my wife has threatened to divorce me at least twice tonight."
There are many levels of awesome to this submission. First and foremost...I got an email. You thought I would go to Kate's crotch didn't you? For shame sir...for shame. Not only do we have mention of royal down below, but a tip of the cap to long island's and marital stress.
I can only hope that this loyal reader managed to channel the awesome that is the article, not to mention the charisma that 5 long island's demands, and reconcile with his spouse. After all...what else does the article stand for than lifelong bliss and good old fashioned awesomeness?
Keep the amazing emails coming, and we might just have to do a running satchel session. Satchel...because it can be taken so many ways. And none of those suck.