I am ashamed to say that only recently have I come to respect the hard work and dedication that many single mothers display daily. And no, I am not talking about you mothers who are not there for your children, and not the ones that are bad role models. I’m talking about the one’s who work multiple jobs to make sure their kids have all their needs, or the ones who attend night school, and still make sure their kids learn respect, values, morals, get fed, and are trained to think for themselves to be strong minded individuals. I would like to thank all of you mothers who dedicate your life to raising your young ones, leaving them with a sense of strong self value, with a value for their community, respect for honesty, and a sense for human integrity. You should not have to wait for mother’s day to be praised for your hard work and all out efforts. I took your efforts for granted, until I recently experienced living in a household with young kids, for an extensive period. Trying to raise children (properly) is definitely a full time job, and it comes with a lot of learning experiences, and a lot of ups and downs, for both the child and the parent. In my quest to find out how single mothers found the strength to take on the daily grind that is required to keep a functional and loving home, I decided to interview two young single mothers, to get their philosophies and outlook on parenting as a single mother.
Jasmine Donald, 21, and her two year-old daughter, currently reside in Maryland. Lisa Venable, 30, and her 3 children, currently reside in North Carolina. One important note, Lisa’s sister, Lena Venable, plays an important role in helping Lisa raise her kids, and was very instrumental in gathering the response for Lisa’s interview.
What are some of the challenges you face as a parent?
Lisa Venable: The challenges I face as a parent is having a low income. This problem brings on daily difficulties, but I am able to make ends meet, and make sure my family is not without necessities. I was working full-time, but my health issue changed that.
Describe your relationship with your child, or children?
Lisa Venable: My relationship with my children are knitted bond. I use this term because our relationship is very warm, protecting, fun, and loving. We add to our relationship almost daily just like a quilt is being made. Each piece created captures another special moment and contribute growth in our lives.
Jasmine Donald: My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship, as wonderful as a 21 year old and 2year old can have. She's busy, it gets frustrating repeating myself sometimes, but I love her without question.
What are some of the methods you use to discipline your child, or children?
Lisa Venable: I prefer to sit down talk and explain to them what I believe is right and what is wrong. My oldest is at an age of understanding, that there are consequences that follows bad inappropriate behavior. She asks a lot of questions and I take time to explain the rules.
Jasmine Donald: I first use verbal explanation, and if there is no resolution found, I will pop her hands and legs. My daughter is very curious but she is also very trying. She will do something inappropriate and watch to see what response I give, and I have to be sure and react appropriately each time.
Who’s influenced you the most to how you approach raising your child, or children?
Lisa Venable: My grandmother. She is whom I spent most of my early years with. No matter the number of grandchildren, she was mother to all. This lady presented strength, unconditional love, and courage through the good and bad times. As a child, I always felt loved and safe in her presence. I have her personality traits, and that is something that makes me proud to be the woman that I am today.
Jasmine Donald: I believe my mother influences my approach most. I look to my mother for advice on pretty much everything, and I believe I turned out more than decent.
How do you communicate to your child, or children, the images of sex, drugs and violence, which are commonly displayed throughout society?
Lisa Venable: This is a subject that can be uncomfortable. I can control most of the images in my home, but my oldest is not with me every hour of the day. Sex and drugs are not images I have to communicate to her yet. I recently moved from a violent neighborhood where we were surrounded by domestic disputes almost every day. She dislikes arguments, and since we are now in a different neighborhood, that gives us a more peaceful environment.
Jasmine Donald: Because she's only two, it's just a matter of reminding her constantly that some things are not for her to do, and trying my best not to expose her to anything that is inappropriate.
What advice do you have for young women who are interested in having children at an early age?
Lisa Venable: I would say make sure you are ready and prepared to take on this important responsibility. This is not a part time job and there is no clocking in and out when you decide to become a dedicated parent. Whether single or married, taking on the role as a parent takes a lot of hard work and understanding.
Jasmine Donald: All that I can say in response to that is, please wait! Plan, and evaluate your own life, and readiness, and the same for the fathers. Raising children is not an easy task, although it may look that way. There is way more responsibility when it comes to being, a GREAT parent, than there is to just being a great individual.
As a parent, what are a few important teachings or philosophies you would like to see your child, or children, embrace, as they grow into adulthood?
Lisa Venable: I would like for them to understand that in life, there comes some hard knocks, falls, and elevation. I want them to believe they can accomplish anything they put their minds to. Most importantly I want them to embrace education, and accept who they are.
Jasmine Donald: I would love for my daughter to continue to shine! She has a brilliant personality already. I want her to know her own value, to love herself, exhibit humility, but stand firm in her beliefs.
Are you currently introducing your child, or children, to any new activities, hobbies, or educational concepts? If so, please elaborate on what it is, and what you hope is gained from this experience.
Lisa Venable: I have noticed my oldest is fascinated with art, dancing, automobiles, and architecture design. Her traits are identical to my very own when I was her age. She loves storybooks, and I often encourage her to imagine, and be whatever she wants to be. We site see, and discuss architecture together. We do the same with automobiles.
Jasmine Donald: I always give my daughter the range to express herself creatively. She sings, dances, acts, and imitate, extremely well. I do all of the previous with her, no matter the venue, at home or in public. I never want her to repress what it is that she loves, to the likes of others. We're starting early!
As I listened to the responses of these young mothers, It was brought to my attention how important it is for us, as community leaders, family, friends, and fathers, to give as much support as we can to the children that are being raised by single mothers. It’s important that we place a lot of investment in the children’s well being, because they will grow up to be our future. No one individual should hold the sole responsibility of raising a child. As responsible adults, it is all of our responsibilities to help raise the young ones in the village. Obviously, we expect the mothers to do their share of taking care of their responsibilities, but let’s never forget to encourage those who have embraced taking on such a hard task. I love you sisters who are holding it down, and I hope to encourage the ones who have a ways to go, to become responsible mothers. Let’s all stay 1up and give it up to those single mothers who are making a positive impact in the lives of their children.
If you’re a single mother who has a story to share, contact me at mailto:saye1up@hotmail.com
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