Loving a wife
Do you often correct me, tell me what to do, get perturbed with me because I am not doing things like you want me to do them? Do you often find fault with me, criticize me? Do you think your way is the right way? Do you argue, disagree with me a lot? Then I should leave you.
Do you often tell me what you like about me, think about me in a positive way? ; encourage me and my strengths? ;want me to be fulfilled as a person? Love me and show it and say it? Appreciate me, respect me, show affection often, play with me, accept me as I am? Then I would like to stay with you.
Most adults wish to learn how to live life to its fullest, and to love. But we have to think about this, and know what we mean by “living life to its fullest”, and “loving”; we have to define these “things”. Some adults never think about these things, or define them, or strive towards them in a meaningful way. Many adults just go into automatic, just doing it like their parents did(mindlessly), or just drifting through each day, only concentrating on work, and then relaxing and eating when they get home. Weekends are the same, for the most part, sinking into our comfort zones, our routines, doing what we “like”, what we have always done. For some of us who are single, we fill our weekends with “going out”, social events, etc., and for men: sports, yard work, fixing things, exercise. If we have children, we fill our weekends with parenting, trying to squeeze in some time for ourselves. “Living” often becomes concentrating on making enough money to “live” on comfortably, or spending money, buying “things”.
We need to think more about living life to its fullest, and love: how to live each day as a fuller person; as a happier person. We need to do things, each day, that we enjoy, that fulfills us, that brings us joy, that shows that we value learning and growing and experiencing, apart from parenting routines or our job. One way to do this is to concentrate on our relationships, nurturing our relationships, and love; to become mindful each day of nurturing relationships and love.
A majority of marriage relationships(romantic) fail these days. We need to know what success and failure in a marriage means. Too many parent/child relationships deteriorate into poor quality ones, and do not produce “successful” young people. Why “waste” your days and years with a spouse, or parenting if you are just going to let those relationships wither on the vine? Why enter a marriage if you don’t want to work on it and nurture it fully? Why become a parent if you don’t want to learn how to do it and do it well?
You may ask a young person, “what do you want to do with your life?” They might mention a possible career, etc. They may say, “get married and have children”. We want them to know why they want to do this; what they value; what being married successfully and parenting successfully mean. What having a great marriage and great kids looks like, and how to get there. No one should get married until they know their own heart, mind, soul, values, beliefs pretty well(know thyself), and have discussed them with their potential mate; that they are compatible; not perfectly equal, but compatible. They have to value contributing to the happiness, fulfillment, and growth of another person; giving(not things). If they want to parent, they also have to value contributing to the happiness, fulfillment and growth of a small, immature person, and a big, immature person. They have to know how to be respectful, learnful, encouraging, loving, and fun, and how to grow as the child/teen, relationship grows. They must develop great patience, love, strength, self-discipline, and responsibility regarding relationships. They can no longer be “me” people. They must become “we” people. No one should get married unless they are deeply in love, with real love, not puppy dog love. No one should get married or have children just because “that’s the next step”; or because, “that’s what I am supposed to do”. No one should get married because of fear: fear of being “alone”, etc.
You should get married if you are deeply in love with that person. You enjoy being with them, admire them, respect them, want to see them happy and joyful, and know how to help to make that happen. You think about them often and think about how important your relationship is to you.