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Love Lessons: Married and bored

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Love Lessons: Married and bored

Dear Cheryl,

I love my husband, but I am feeling very bored in my marriage. When we first got married, it was so exciting. We were making plans, spending lots of time together, learning new things about each other. After 10 years, there is no excitement. We don’t talk like we used to. Romance is pretty much gone, and sex is just going through the motions. I feel like my marriage is going downhill fast. What can I do to save it?

Scared in Charlotte

Dear Scared,

Your situation is a common one. This happens because once a couple is married, they become more familiar with one another. At the same time this familiarity occurs, they find that they are so comfortable being together, they just don’t try as hard as they used to. Remember when you were dating and you would spend hours getting ready for your date? You wanted to present your best self to your date. Do you still do that for your husband? Does he still do that for you? Just because you get married doesn’t mean that a good relationship is a given. A relationship is a living, breathing thing and unless you feed and water it…it will die.

Here are some ways to bring some excitement back into your marriage:

-Appreciate the beauty of your commitment to one another. This includes the familiarity that you have with one another. This can open you both up to deeper emotional and physical intimacy.

-Set aside a small amount of time each day to spend together in prayer or just talking to each other about your hopes and dreams.

-Have a regular date night each week. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be as simple as a walk in the park. Take the time to plan it out ahead of time. This will give you something to look forward to all week. It will also give you the chance to plan.

-Enhance yourself as a person. Take a class. Volunteer. Go back to school. There are always opportunities for learning and growing. This will help keep you interesting as a person.

-Take an interest in your appearance. This will show your partner that you still care about yourself. This is very sexy, and will translate into your sexual relationship. Be adventurous in your sexual relationship. Be honest and open as well. Marital sex is meant to be a beautiful, spiritual union.

It is not too late to get your marriage back on track. Talk to your spouse, and let this conversation open the door to utilize some of the above suggestions



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