One of my great friends Holly says her primary love language is Acts of Service. This helps me greatly because this is also my husband's primary love language. I spoke with Holly recently in an effort to try to better understand how we can all speak such different langauges, and how can we possibly learn to speak our spouse's language?
Holly, like my husband, speaks Acts of Service. Her husband, like me, speaks Words of Affirmation. Holly's husband needs to hear "I love you" and receive a hug and kiss every morning before he starts his day, or his love tank is empty. Holly on the other hand, doesn't necessarily crave hearing "I love you" from her husband. Instead, she feels loved when he empties the dishwasher or folds the laundry.
When Holly doesn't receive help around the house, her love tank is empty because her language isn't being spoken. Its like trying to speak English to someone who only understands French.
Because I crave words and touch, I can't possibly fathom how my husband cannot feel loved when I hug him, hold his hand, put my arm around him or tell him I missed him. And he, speaking Japanese, cannot fathom how I do not feel loved when he puts a light in my closet, walks the dogs or mends the fence in our backyard.
To someone who speaks Quality Time, Gifts or any other love language, when their spouse performs Acts of Service we appreciate it, yes, however our love tank might still need some refueling.
If your spouse gets really happy when you run errands, grocery shop, clean the bathroom, make dinner or take out the trash, your spouse speaks Acts of Service. What do you do with this? First, ask your spouse to write down 10 things they would like to have done in the next month. Take one item every couple of days and decide that is the day you will complete/perform that Act of Service.
And yes, for those of you who don't speak Acts of Service, it is difficult to learn. Then again, speaking a second language is always difficult!