Pat Benatar summed it up best with her straightforward and stirring lyrics from one of her best Top 40 singles, “Love Is A Battlefield”:
We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises
No demands
Love is a battlefieldWe are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield
These days, not only is love a battlefield but dating is as well, so it would be best to be well armed for the love battlefield. I wish I could just tell everyone to use common sense when searching for their true love, soul mate, or person that completes them as in the movie Jerry Maguire but when it comes to matters of the heart, the brain doesn’t always follow. Therefore, I thought it best to outline a few basic safety rules to follow when dating.
First, use a trusted resource to set up a date if possible, especially when using an online service, or at a minimum do some advanced research. There are many trusted online dating websites that will perform background checks and proper screening prior to member acceptance like eHarmony. This is not a safety guarantee but a good first step in online dating. In the event you meet someone offline in a more traditional manner like at a bar or through a friend, the internet is a great resource for learning more about that person through a Google search, a criminal background check, a public records search or a sex offender registry search. After all, you can never have too much information in advance to avert a foreseen dating disaster.
Second, always use a wing man or wing woman as your safety source when meeting someone unknown. Basically, tell a friend or family member where you are going and who you are meeting prior to your date. If possible, send a picture via email or text so that in the event your date is a serial killer, you can save the police some time in researching the identity of your killer (it might be a good idea to also send your advanced research to your wing person too as there is no such thing as too much information when investigating an abduction or murder). My mom is always mine because she wants to know all the details anyway so I kill two birds with one stone…and she is willing to call 15 minutes in to the date to save me if I am miserable, which is usually the case and an added bonus when choosing a wing person.
Next, choose the meeting place wisely. You should choose a location that is well lit, out in the open and full of people like Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, Olive and Ivy (a hip local Scottsdale restaurant), or even a popular honky tonk bar like Buffalo Chip Saloon & Steakhouse (a Cave Creek, Arizona landmark). This way, there are plenty of people to witness the date and even help in the event of an uncomfortable or uncontrollable situation. I generally plan a short first date, like a coffee date, so that if I absolutely loathe my date I can gulp down my coffee fast and dash; a long lunch or dinner doesn’t usually afford you a quick getaway from a nightmare date. Make sure you park close to the door or ask for a “walk out” from a bouncer or staff member at a bar if you meet someone at night as they are generally obliging if you feel that you are in a vulnerable position.
Most importantly, bring some protection…and no, I am not talking about using a condom! Get some basic self defense training and arm yourself with safety tools like a SureFire Flashlight, a TASER C2 or a firearm. For those that take their personal safety seriously, they will be less of a target for sexual predators because they will be prepared to defend themselves if necessary. The element of surprise is not a good thing when faced with an attacker or an assaulter; it is better to be prepared to defend and pleasantly surprised if your date is a gentlemen. Take it from me as a girl who got into the safety business after dealing with two stalkers in one year (one from an internet dating website and the other was a setup from a friend). Common sense did not play a role in either of my situations but my barbeque knife became my bed buddy, which was unsettling to say the least.
The personal protection training and tools also come in handy when going on subsequent dates as you begin to let your guard down since approximately 2/3 of sexual assaults occur with someone the victim knows and not a stranger. This becomes important when moving from a public venue to a private one like a home or apartment. I joke about this often when I advise people to “make out” or “get in on” in a car rather than a hotel room or private home because a car horn can be an excellent deterrent whereas a hotel room or apartment may not offer the same alarming options. Additionally, it is not always advisable to give up the location of your residence until your suitor proves to be worthy. This advice may save you the trouble of obtaining a restraining order in the future to prevent unwanted advances from a stalking suitor.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always follow my own dating safety advice as a single woman but I will also be the first to boast that I am well prepared to defend myself by any means necessary in the event I am threatened in any way and that typically makes me less of a target. In fact, I make it well known to my suitors that my home is packed with both traditional weaponry (SureFire Flashlight, multiple TASER C2s, and ASP Pepper Sprays) and nontraditional weaponry (small and large axes, screwdrivers, hammers, wasp and hornet sprays, and a large dose of kick ass self defense tactics) as to send the signal that I will dictate the extent of our interactions. With that said and in this case, it would be best to do as I say and not as I do.
Happy Valentines Day and Date Safe!
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