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Love, honor, cherish and garbage?

This wasn't in the vows...
This wasn't in the vows...
Matt Banks

So you’re newly married. Now what? Perhaps you dated for years and everything was fine and wonderful but now that you’re married, things have suddenly changed and situations around the house are coming at you like speeding bullets.

Who’s responsible for the dishes, the laundry, making dinner, cleaning the house and taking out the trash? Even if you lived together before, expectations can sometimes change after marriage. It’s important to open your lines of communication so that you and your partner don’t take things for granted. Believe me, I know, there’s been plenty of times over the last few months that I actually felt like poking my husband in the eye, kicking him in the shins or better yet, stabbing him in the neck with a pencil (brutal I know) over silly petty things. Now did I ever really want to physically harm my husband? Of course not, but anger can bubble up and you can definitely blow your top and say things you don’t mean.

I’ve come home several times after work to find piles of dirty dishes and dirty laundry just sitting there while my husband is watching TV or playing video games. I used to get so angry thinking he was leaving it for me to do. Didn’t he think that I was tired after work? I wanted to relax too! But the truth of the matter was, is that he wasn’t leaving it for me, he was just leaving it. He was relaxing. I was pushing those own expectations on myself. I was trying to be the martyr and play superwoman all at the same time and it wasn’t working.

So, newlyweds (or even couples that have been married for years) take a breath. Relax and start talking to one another! You want to spend the rest of your life with this person right? You took vows and said I do. To have and to hold and all that stuff…but you also agreed to many other things like cleaning, cooking and laundry. Just remember that it’s not one or the others sole responsibility. Don’t assume that they’re pushing all the work on you. Talk it out and decide who’s doing what and help each other along with it. Don’t blame, accuse or point fingers. If your husband doesn’t have time to take out the trash (and this is something I’ve definitely struggled with) don’t yell! Pick it up and take it out yourself. Marriage is about working together. You can do it, but you have to do it together to make it work.

Good luck newlyweds! Take it one day at a time and remember to breathe!!

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