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Love advice: Save your marriage even in the face of infidelity

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In the wake of another Tinseltown marriage scandal, Tori Spelling is taking the high road and following advice that is practical and protects family. Relationships break and mend. In the real world, here are three reasons to stay in a relationship -- even if tainted by infidelity -- for the sake of marriage and family.

1) If you don't solve the problem that was at the root of the infidelity it may manifest itself in other ways and even in other relationships.

2) Forgiveness saves your health. Angry, bitter women determined to "get even" will find that hostility is a predictor of heart attacks.

3) When children are involved, you may wish to put aside the hurt and take some time to consider how divorce will affect them.

Huffington Post by Sarah Harrison

In her article at the Huff Post, Harrison says,

"Cheating means the partner who steps out isn't getting something they need from the relationship. If it's impossible to fix that problem, you may need to end the relationship.

"But that isn't realistic for some couples, especially when children are involved. . . . The part the injured partner played may be small, but a relationship is made of two people. If something goes wrong, it's happened to both people." Sarah Harrison: Why You Shouldn't Necessarily Leave a Cheating Husband

What should you do?

Get the facts

Infidelity is not an epidemic. Citing the General Social Survey, financed by the National Science Foundation, Dr. W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project, the University of Virginia, said recently that just 22 percent of ever-married men and 14 percent of ever-married women said they had had an extramarital affair over their lifetimes. Also infidelity overall has not increased over the last 20 years. [The most recent study even noted a slight decrease in infidelity from previous years.]

Talk to an expert

Before making a hasty decision about a husband who is unfaithful talk with an expert in marriage and infidelity such the award winning Michele Weiner-Davis or one of the qualified counselors at divorcebusting.com

Listen to Dr. Ruth

When I asked her if couples could forgive and reunite after infidelity, Dr. Ruth suggested marriage counseling for those who want to save their marriage — despite the time, effort, and cost with no guarantee.

Nonetheless, she said, “A therapist will talk to each person one-on-one in confidence and in that way find out what is really happening. With a therapist’s guidance, couples can often find solutions.”

In all cases, take the road of forgiveness whether you go or stay simply to keep your own heart at peace.

Copyright 2014 Rita Esposito

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