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Louisiana: God, Guns and Gumbo

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According to Gov. Bobby Jindal the State of Louisiana will not utilize the Common Core academic standards saying it was “A federal takeover of public education”.

Its proficiency in reading and math is at or near the bottom among the 50 States. In Louisiana, evolution (the basis of all modern biological science, supported by everything we know about geology, genetics, paleontology, and other fields) is a highly contested scientific hypothesis as credible as “God did it, and I don’t have to say no more.”

Their public education system was confused about what kind of test they would have to teach to when Jindal (A creationist) called on them to come up with "Louisiana standards and a Louisiana test" (true)

After much consideration, the State came up with an array of helpful guidelines their school children could utilize in their daily lives, a sort of ‘Dick and Jane go Shrimpin’ collection of norms which affect everyday life in the Bayou State.

Here are some sample questions:

The world is:

A, 6,000 years old

B, millions of years old

C, As long as I can get on a boat and go shrimpin’ I don’t care how old it is.

The ingredients in a standard etoufee’ contain:

A, Crawfish tails

B, Long grain rice,

C, My mother’s got the recipe in her head.

West Monroe, Louisiana, home of ‘Duck Dynasty’ should be:

A, The new Capital of Louisiana

B, It isn’t the capital of Louisiana?

C, Let’s make it the Capital of Louisiana

Emeril Lagasse cooked him up some shrimp. Did he cook him up a pound, a meter or a liter?

Answer; It doesn’t matter, I’ll eat anything that man cooks

True or false? The Scoville scale is a way to measure Megan Fox.

Willie, Jase, Phil, and uncle Si are:

A, Members of Creedence Clearwater Revival

B, Your next State Representatives from rural Louisiana

C, ex hippies who got lucky

Mardi Gras is:

A, the best way to prepare for lent

B, an excuse to wears feathers in public without ridicule

C, Bead collector’s wonderland

Gumbo is:

A, A ‘claymation’ character from 1950’s/60’s Television

B, Okra, Celery, Onions, Green Peppers with Andouille Sausage, seafood, shrimp or chicken and rice stewed up and sometimes served so hot it will make you wish your mouth were in the freezer.

C, A Disney elephant story

The Louisiana State motto is:

A, Sportsman’s Paradise

B, Shotgun Paradise

C, NRA Paradise

A public school diploma from Louisiana will:

A, Not do anything

B, Do a little something

C, Hell, let’s go shrimpin’

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