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Louis Vuitton suitcase in Red Square 'Too much baggage' for Moscovites

Russians 'up in arms' over giant suitcase in Red Square
Russians 'up in arms' over giant suitcase in Red Square
Sergei Ilnitsky photo

The famous GUM department store on Red Square has erected a 30 foot high and 100 foot long Louis Vuitton suitcase in front of their building to mark Vuitton's 150th anniversary.

Detractors say it blocks views of most landmark sites and are outraged by its proximity to Lenin's tomb. Preservationists emphasized that Red Square is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

The giant suitcase is situated next to a 150 foot bottle of Stolichnaya and the 300 square foot mock-up of Lenin’s lips.

Louis Vuitton says it houses their “Soul of Travel" exhibition which, under Communism, is something 99% of Russians do not have and cannot do.

Not everyone is happy with the behemoth.

Politicians and public alike condemned the exhibit, a molotov cocktails throw from the tomb of communist leader Vladimir Lenin.

The Kremlin, which has official jurisdiction over the square, said it had not granted permission for the structure and ordered it dismantled.

Questions arose as to what kind of vodka binge the kremlin was during the 2 weeks the giant suitcase was being built.

The suitcase “must leave Red Square by the first bus, train or taxi in which it will fit” said Moscow Commissioner Vladimir ‘Billy’ Novochenko.

“We knew it couldn’t fit though the front door of GUM but I saw some drunken Moscovites pass it early this morning and they thought they were in the movie ‘Masha, I shrunk the kids’.”

A puzzled GUM management spokesperson said that even with all the newly rich in Russia, few expressed interest in the ‘must have’ holiday gift.

“The suitcase would be difficult to get through customs” said traveler Sergei Falchevo. “It would get stuck in the carousel.”

“I can’t understand the lack of interest” said the store manager, “it’s a no brainer. They can fit everything they own into the suitcase for the perfect weekend getaway.”

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