Looking Back With Sarcasm: The 2000 NFL Draft (pt.2)

For part one of the 2000 NFL Draft Day timeline, click here. 

2:10pm: The Raiders continue a draft tradition by making a first-round pick greeted with stunned silence. The Raiders pick kicker Sebastian Janikowski, saying that he will add another element to their team. Analysts agree, since the Raiders don't currently have a Polish kicker on their team who's been arrested for bribery and is in danger of being deported.

2:20pm: A UPS man arrives with a package for "Mel Kiper, draft expert." Kiper asks the man to repeat that loudly, then tips him twenty bucks.

2:45pm: Seattle takes running back Shaun Alexander, two picks before divisional rival Kansas City plans to select him to fill the Chiefs glaring backfield needs.

2:47pm: Kansas City dispatches an intern to place a flaming bag of dog poop outside the door of the Seahawks War Room, then ring the doorbell and run off.

3:00pm: San Diego, having no first round pick, makes a personnel decision by inquiring about a quarterback currently working as a backup on an Arena League expansion team. Chargers fans hope that last line was a joke. Unfortunately, Todd Marinovich's phone is ringing, people.

3:15pm: The draft really starts to get defensive, as Vikings head coach Dennis Green is interviewed. While defending his draft choices of the past two years, Green displays a level of paranoia you normally see associated with people in the Witness Relocation Program. Green reaffirms his draft logic, including last year's first round attempted suicide who is currently on his third NFL roster.

4:45pm: A bondsman arrives with a summons for "Mel Kiper, draft expert." Kiper asks the man to repeat that over the intercom, then tips him fifty bucks.

 

More Draft Day mayhem:
2008 NFL Draft (Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco) timeline, click here. 
2007 NFL Draft (Adrian Peterson, Calvin Johnson) timeline, click here. 
2006 NFL Draft (Vince Young, Reggie Bush) timeline, click here.  
2005 NFL Draft (Alex Smith, Pacman Jones) timeline, click here.  
2004 NFL Draft (Eli Manning, Larry Fitzgerald) timeline, click here.  
2003 NFL Draft (Carson Palmer, Charles Rogers) timeline, click here.  
2002 NFL Draft (David Carr, Joey Harrington) timeline, click here.
2001 NFL Draft (Michael Vick, LT, Philip Rivers) timeline, click here.  
1999 NFL Draft (Ricky Williams, Donovan McNabb) timeline, click here.