The NFL 2009 Year In Review (part two):
Click here for part one of the 2009 NFL Year in Review...
November 17: The Buffalo Bills fire Dick Jauron, and promise to hire a new head coach by the start of next season.
November 22: Houston Texans kicker Kris Brown misses a field goal for a victory, his second straight week to do so. Luckily, this only makes him the second most-hated Chris Brown in America.
November 23: After the Dallas Cowboys go two straight games with only a fourth-quarter touchdown in each. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones responds by showing 3-D movies on the Cowboys Stadium jumbotron, just to give the stadium the illusion of movement.
November 26: The NFL celebrates Thanksgiving by giving viewers three straight unwatchable games.
November 29: Browns running back Jamal Lewis retires in the middle of a game.
December 9: In a first, Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco Johnson Mellancamp Van Reginald is fined by the NFL for a sombrero-related celebration. Sadly, this is one of few entries I'm not making up.
December 17: The death of Bengals receiver Chris Henry does the unthinkable, it turns Chad Ochocinco into a humble hero.
December 20: With basically every single member of the organization playing for their jobs next season, The Redskins turn in a monumentally lackluster effort in losing to the Giants.
December 20: Raiders QB JaMarcus Russell somehow manages the NFL equivalent of the Philip Michael Thomas EGOT, as he is benched, played in desperation, benched again for a guy signed days before from the UFL, played again to throw a game-winning touchdown, then benched again.
December 24: Michael Vick's Eagles teammates vote him the Ed Block Courage Award, rewarding him for his epic bravery in overcoming his own stupidity.
December 25: Florida head coach Urban Meyer announces he's leaving the university because of health issues after their bowl game, then recants two days later and says he'll return. Brett Favre calls Meyer to congratulate him on "pulling a Favre."
December 27: The Indianapolis Colts sit Peyton Manning, then promptly blow a lead to the jets and lose their perfect season. My 73 year-old mother loses her fantasy football championship game, and swears out an old gypsy curse on Jim Caldwell.
December 27: With a playoff spot on the line, Eli Manning plays like he's got first-of-the-year vacation reservations. Giants lose to Carolina, and are out of the playoff hunt.
January 7, 2010: Tom Brady wins the NFL's Comeback Player of the Year Award, in recognition of him returning from injury to lead the 11-5 Patriots to a 10-6 record in 2009.
January 24: After the Vikings secret plan to butter the ball between plays backfires and leads to five turnovers, Brett Favre tries to make a throw that could have only been made by Brett Favre, circa 1995. The Saints go on to win the NFC, joining the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV.
Comments
If I knew an old gypsy curse, I would certainly pulled it out of the bag for Jim Caldwell! As it is, I only knew the American kind I learned watching Dallas Cowboy football with your dad!
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