Apparently there has been some sort of mix-up or misunderstanding. I did not receive any of the things that I had asked for this year. I know that you received my letter because I sent it via registered mail. I used an easy to read font and large font size. Maybe my letter was misplaced. Perhaps I wasn’t as “good” this year as I thought I was. I guess it is possible that my constant sarcasm and cynicism landed me on the “naughty” list. Whatever the case may be, I am sending you my wish-list for Christmas next year. And just to be sure that it gets seen by you, I am posting it online, so that your elves in the NSA can be sure to pass it along to you.
So, rather than fret about what may have gone wrong this year, here is my list of the things I would like to get next year. Any or all of the following would be greatly appreciated. I am going to remain optimistic and look forward to Christmas 2014.
Smith & Wesson M&P 15 Sport
I would like a Smith & Wesson M&P 15 Sport. The S&W M&P 15 is a fairly inexpensive and well-constructed rifle. It is ready to shoot out of the box, and comes with an adjustable stock and flip-up sights. I can buy other accessories later, like a sling and a scope, and customize it to my own particular liking. I only ask that you include a few Magpul 30 round magazines.
I would love to have an AK-47, or one of the many variants of Kalashnikov’s famous design. I really am not picky, so I’d be happy with a base model Romanian WASR 10 or a Chinese made Norinco MAK-90. But if you are feeling generous, feel free to find me an Arsenal Inc. SLR-106, chambered in 5.56 NATO (.223), so I can share ammo with the AR.
Beretta 92FS 9mm
Every shooter needs a good sidearm. Sometimes the situation calls for a firearm other than a rifle or shotgun, particularly when carrying in public. I would really like a solid and reliable 9mm handgun, like the ones made by Beretta. I choose 9mm because my girlfriend already has a SCCY CPX2 9mm, and it would be nice if we could share ammo. If you can't bring the Beretta, a Smith & Wesson SD9 VE would be a nice substitute.
Tactical 20 gauge shotgun
This present is actually for my girlfriend. She really likes my Stevens 320 Security 12 gauge shotgun, and would like a tactical shotgun of her own. She does not like the recoil of a 12 gauge, but she is quite comfortable with a 20 gauge. A Mossberg SA-20 Tactical would be a perfect fit.
What good are firearms without ammo? I will need at least 2,000 rounds of 5.56 for the S&W M&P and 2,000 rounds of 7.62 for the AK. Unless you can bring me that Arsenal AK chambered in 5.56, in which case just bring me loads of that. A few thousand rounds of 9mm Luger will be necessary. Some of those need to be hollow point, but the rest can be FMJ rounds for target practice. Please bring 1,000 20-gauge shotgun shells of assorted variety, including birdshot, buckshot and slugs. I would also like the same assortment of 1,000 shells in 12-gauge, for the shotgun I already have.
Thank you in advance for the wonderful firearms and ammunition that I am sure you will be bringing me. I am willing to overlook your mistake this year in forgetting to bring me any of these things. Just please don’t forget again. You can trust that I will strive to be on my best behavior this year.
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