It was once said that marriage is like a castle under siege: the ones inside want to get out and the ones outside want to get in. What is the instinct to pair up and attach to one another in this intimate way? Procreation is the first reason that comes to mind but bears, and some humans by the way, can do this nicely without forming the marriage bond. Increasingly young people reject marriage and just live together for however long they like. In spite of all, the castle of marriage stands as the sacred fortress of human dreams.
Men and women both represent consciousness in their respective forms and human consciousness can be seen as a balance of both male and female in each individual. Male is the active penetrating inquiry “Who am I?” and female is the receiving of the answer through feeling. Consciousness is ever dynamic and ever balanced. So within each individual the wholeness of relationship exists eternally. This is the true long-term relationship of soul with I Am.
Realizing balance is the aim of all human long term relationships again using the worldly definition of relationship where two people ‘get it on’. The only problem encountered by couples in this endeavor is loss of individual balance and a tendency to blame the world or the partner or both for lack of harmony. Discord leads to divorce and the pattern repeats until individual balance is restored. A person with inner discord will project that discord into all the affairs of life.
To look at the dilemma more closely there is the basic challenge of identity in the individual “Who am I?” question. Most of us learn to answer this question with the thinking mind and much of what is identified as ‘I am’ has to do with the physical body and the circumstances of living. For example, “I’m female, I’m 47 and I work as a technician.” This would not be a problem if the thinking mind didn’t judge what it identifies as me. Many of the negative identities like “I’m fat or I’m poor” are carried in the subconscious memory and activate emotional reactions that are painful. To balance these identities is the work of therapy or practice of awareness.
When the individual learns to balance painful identities there is the possibility of intuitive knowledge and sensing of peace which is the basic tenor of life in all beings. From this perspective all relationships are likewise balanced and can generate intended results like long term loving relationships.