An article has been published on Cosmopolitan.com by Beth Whiffen called 5 Relationship Rules You Should Break. This artcle gives a list of five dating rules that exist in the world, but that do not apply to relationships in this day and age. Then, Whiffen explains why these rules should not be adhered to any longer and gives tips on how to break them. Because long distance relationships do not allow you to see your significant other very often, meetings are planned and most conflicts are resolved over the phone. Although couples living in the same city work hard to break the relationship rules presented in this article, long distance couples do so by default.
Rule #1: You can't check out anyone else.
How LDRs break it: Being in a different city from your partner, without him or her always by your side, gives you free range of your eyesight. Like Whiffen states, "You're in a relationship, not dead." This may hold even truer for those in long distance relationships because they do not have the threat of being caught with their gaze on someone else. Good looks are objective and just because we like looking at someone does not mean we are going to act upon it and cheat. Since its human nature to be attracted to other people, looking at others is not forbidden in long distance relationship and does not mean that you are not attracted to your honey anymore. The next time your out with your girls at Agenda Lounge, and a cute guy walks by, don't slap yourself if you catch yourself looking. It's only natural.
Rules #2: You have to give each other the play-by-play of your day.
How LDRs break it: Let's face it. Some days your so busy that the only time you get your sweetheart on the phone is to say goodnight. When couples spend so much time apart, like long distance couples do, pursuing their own interests and hanging out with their own friends, they have more interesting topics to talk about than what they had for dinner. Because talking on the phone for maybe only half an hour every night is barely any time compared to the hours couples spend in person, the conversation will stick to the most important topics and will prevent the dialogue from getting dull. When you find yourself talking about your morning commute, it's a sign that you need to pick up a new hobby or a copy of San Jose Magazine.
Rule #3: Sex always has to be spontaneous.
How LDRs break it: This is a no brainer, considering the fact that almost all reunions are planned far in advance, especially for those living in different states or even countries. Because long distance couples know for a few weeks beforehand, they anticipate the main event a lot more. When the time finally comes, they have been working themselves up for so long that it translates into passion and excitement. This type of anticipation is called "mental foreplay" because couples fantasize about what they will experience every day until they actually get together.
Rule #4: You have to resolve every conflict.
How LDRs break it: People in long distance relationships spend so much time apart, that they cherish the time they actually spend together and try to avoid conflict as much as possible. Being apart puts things into perspective, especially if you only have a day or two together. And if you get worked up over every little thing that goes wrong, chances are, you will spend the whole day arguing rather than enjoying your time together. Conflicts also arise when talking over the phone rather than talking face to face because the important factor of body language and facial expressions is missing. What he could have said as a joke could be constrayed differently by you if you could not see that he was smiling. After a while you have to learn to let the small issues slide. When a big issue arises, it is easier to sleep on it and talk about the problem with a fresh perspective and a night of rest rather than hashing out the entire problem before bed and waking up even more exhausted than before.
Rule #5: You need to deep-six your exes.
How LDRs break it: The explanation for this is a bit more complicated than the rest of them, especially since people in long distance relationships are more prone to jealousy and paranoia. The basis for making long distance relationships work is trusting your partner. Without trust, long distance relationships cannot work out, whether or not their is an ex in the picture. The main point to remember if your partner is still in contact with their ex is that there is a reason why they broke up as a couple and why they are no longer in a romantic relationship. That being said, your partner may value their ex's advice as a person and friend and the ex may even help your relationship by giving your partner the perspective of the opposite sex if a conflict arises between the two of you. But before you accept their continuing friendship, you should make sure that they no longer foster feelings for one another by spending time with the ex when you visit your partner.
From the get-go, long distance couples know they do not fit the mold of typical relationships. This is usually seen as something negative, with more nights spent alone and interactions solely through telephone. But that is no longer the case since long distance couples break the rules that are meant to be broken, but without the added effort. Who knew there was an aspect of LDRs that requires less work than our same city counterparts?
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