Local AP Voices: Interview with Darcel Harmon of 'The Mahogany Way'

Local AP Voices is a year-long series that features, on the last Thursday of each month, the voices and stories of men and women in the DC/MD/VA area who are involved in the local attachment parenting community.

Today's local voice is that of Darcel Harmon. Darcel is the creator of the blog The Mahogany Way. A resident of Virginia Beach, VA, Darcel has been married to her best friend for almost six and a half years. Together, they are the proud parents to three children -- two girls, ages 5-1/2 years old and 3 years old, and a 9-week-old son, who was born in May of this year.

Darcel's passions include natural parenting, pregnancy, and natural/homebirth. Her dreams include becoming a childbirth educator, and then a homebirth midwife, and, within the next five years, opening her own natural parenting store.

Can you tell me a little bit about yourself and your "attachment parenting story"?

We found attachment parenting when our first was just a few months old. At the time, we didn't know there was a name for how we were parenting. We had decided to stop going against our instincts and the other "expert" books we had read.

I had breastfed our first child from day one, and we started babywearing and co-sleeping when she was about 3 months old. What we were doing just felt right to us, and we all seemed to function better as a family.

Here we are almost seven years later, with three kids, and we are still living the attachment parenting lifestyle. It flows for us. Even as our children get older, it still feels so natural.

Under what circumstances, and when, was your blog formed?

I had an unschooling blog to document the girls’ childhood, and all that they were naturally learning.
I started The Mahogany Way in May of 2009 because I wanted to talk about my other passions. I wanted to use my voice as a black woman, wife, mother, sister, and friend. After a while I combined the two blogs into my current blog.

What are the backgrounds (age range, first-time parents, experienced parents, etc.) of the readers/visitors of your blog?

The readers and visitors of my blog are so diverse! I have women and men, friends and family, black, white, etc. I have readers/visitors from all over the world -- from here in the states to Wales, Australia, Africa, etc. There are parents who have one child or six children. Some are first-time parents, and some do not have children. There are even some women who are members of my blog who now have grandchildren.

As far as age range, I would say that my readers range in age from 18-50 years old. There are stay-at-home moms, working moms, writers, doulas, unschooling/homeschooling parents, etc.

I love that there are people from all over the world with different backgrounds and cultures that come by to pay me a visit, or, even, to become a regular reader.

What are some of the topics that you address on your blog?

Some of the topics include parenting, homebirth, natural birth, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, babywearing, unschooling, motherhood, cloth diapering, and gentle discipline.

You also have a Facebook page, correct?

Yes. It's The Mahogany Way group on Facebook.

What was your inspiration for starting that Facebook page?

I wanted to create a place that parents of color could come together to discuss attachment parenting and natural living.

Why do you think it is important that persons of color interested in attachment parenting and/or natural living find a community (online or otherwise) to be a part of?

I think when you are going against the mainstream, it's always great to have support. As parents of color, I think we face different challenges. It's nice to have that community to go to and ask questions, get advice, give advice, and share/swap stories.

Can you talk about some of the challenges faced, particularly, by women of color interested in attachment parenting and/or natural living?

I think the biggest challenge is lack of community support. As far as I know, there are not many communities for women of color that are interested in the attachment parenting/natural living lifestyle.

We need to build up communities to make sure all women, no matter what ethnicity or economic class, are well informed of their choices. I know there are women of color who practice attachment parenting and/or live a natural lifestyle. I've met them in person and online.

How are those challenges that they face different (or the same) from those faced by other women?

Our challenges are different because there are not (as far as I know) many women of color, who, for instance, choose to breastfeed. Black women also have a higher maternal and infant mortality rate.
We have a higher percentage of single mothers. That means more of our moms are working longer hours, going to school, and trying to raise their children alone. Again, I think it all boils down to lack of support and women not being informed.

Since your blog's inception, or even since having your own children, can you talk about some of the most common misconceptions (either from your experience, group members, their families, their friends, etc.) that you have heard about the attachment parenting philosophy?

From what I've heard and read, people seem to think that we let our kids run wild, that our children will turn out spoiled, or that this style of parenting requires too much time and energy.

I've received emails from mothers who think attachment parenting might only be for persons of certain social and economical backgrounds. In fact, I was recently asked if I was from Africa while wearing my youngest. People seem to think this way of parenting is an old tradition that has died.

I don't think you can give your kids too much of your time. I also think that here in the states, we have it all backwards. We could learn from our ancestors and other countries, countries that naturally practice attachment parenting. I'm sure that back then that's just the way people lived.

Also, you do not need to be of a certain ethnicity, social class, economic status, married, or staying home to be an attached parent. Attachment parenting can work for all types of people from all types of backgrounds.

Can you tell me some of the long-term goals that you would like to accomplish through your blog and/or Facebook page?

I really want to build up a community for parents of color. Maybe your mom or grandma didn't parent this way and you turned out fine, but you want something different for your family. I want women of color to know that there is a different way. I want women of color to be well informed of all of their choices about pregnancy, birth, parenting, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, motherhood, cloth diapering, and anything else that falls under the attachment parenting umbrella.

I'm hoping to turn my blog into a one-stop spot for parents of color who already live a natural/attachment lifestyle. I also want it to be a place for those who want more information on the lifestyle. I would like to maintain my blog, add resources, and have an online community for parents of color. I want to use my blog as a “stepping stone” to get out into my own community. I want to help as many families as I possibly can.

What are some great resources (i.e., websites, books, magazines, etc.) that you commonly recommend to parents who are interested in attachment parenting, but are unsure whether it is the right choice for their lifestyle, children, etc.?

Discussion forums/websites/local groups

Mothering.com has a magazine and online message board. They talk about a range of topics on the message boards, such as pregnancy, birth choices, breastfeeding, homeschooling, public schools, private schools, natural living, cloth diapers, how to be thrifty, vaccines, stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms. You name it, and they are discussing it.

Another good place is AttachmentParenting.org, which is home to Attachment Parenting International. You can find the attachment parenting principles there, as well as how to attachment parent with older children. You can also find  local support groups on the site and a message board that is much like the one on mothering.com.

In addition to the API site, another way to find attachment parenting groups in your area is by doing a search in Yahoo Groups. That's how I found AP communities in the last two places I lived.

Thebabywearer.com is another great place to gather information on the different types of baby carriers available today. The site has a forum in which members also discuss many of the topics found on the other two forums (mothering.com, attachmentparenting.org).

Books

A great book to check out is Parenting from the Heart. It is about mothering and parenting. It's full of stories from mothers. There are many other books out there on attachment parenting, but I have not read them yet. I won't recommend something I haven't checked into myself. You could go to the library and look up attachment parenting books in their catalog, or search Amazon.com.

If any readers are interested in reading your blog or joining your Facebook page, how should they go about doing that?

My blog's address is http://themahoganyway.blogspot.com. From there, you can access my group on Facebook. The link is on the left side. It says "My Community." Click on the words 'The Mahogany Way Group for Mothers of Color.' You could also search on Facebook for "The Mahogany Way." I have a page for my blog and that will be listed as a website. The other one is a group for parents of color.

Thanks, Darcel, for agreeing to speak with us on your blog and Facebook page. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. And, readers, be sure to check back again next month for another featured story in the Local AP Voices series.