Literary Death Match: Jesus' sacred minivan and the bar mitzvah teddy bear

Chicken John & Isaac Fitzgerald love literature & you

I think last night (Fri Dec 11 09) was my favorite death match so far, despite the fact that Todd Zuniga wasn't there. Sky Hornig and Alana Conner did a great job hosting a largely Jewish crowd on this year's first night of Channukah. Maybe everyone was following the wise adage that "everyone's Jewish during Channukah," but watch (and listen):

Overwhelming, right? You can tell I'm really excited (or my foot's asleep) when the camera shakes like that. But even my often lazy and rebellious feet were not sleeping during what will only now be called 'the Jewish revelation." Never again!

Judges cheer the crowd's coruscation

In the holiday spirit, Opium Magazine, which hosts the Literary Death Match in major cities around the world (from SF to NY to Paris to London to, we hope, Iowa City), has been waiving its usual admission fee this month. Despite that, attendance was a little low last night as San Francisco was wet and a wee bit cold and perhaps over-engaged in this month full of holiday parties and other things trying to keep us out of our warm cocoons.

But spirits were high. If you don't know how the death match works, I thought Sky's explanation was especially endearing last night:

Elissa Bassist and Beth Spotswood

I really liked the lineup of judges. Nina Lesowitz, who runs Spinergy Group to promote authors, but who may be better known to the crowd as a member of Litquake's executive committee or as author of the new inspirational book Living Life as a Thank You, oversaw literary merit. Isaac Fitzgerald, of firefighting and Rumpus fame, turned judging performance into performance, and Chicken John, defender of justice and previous (future!) mayoral candidate, was aptly responsible for intangibles.

The lineup of readers was equally (if not more) amazing. More. The first battle was between two previous runners-up: Derek Powazek, founder of the fabulous Fray Magazine (which has just released Issue 3: Sex and Death and which I got hip too some time around the release of Issue 2: Geek), who read what I thought to be a really tight story about his Bar Mitzvah called "The Scar," and the beloved Lynka Adams, who read "Chicken Soup for the Bag Lady's Soul." I thought Lynka's story was really real (there's always something very authentic about her writing, I've found) but a bit rushed; I was really confused by timing all night for some reason. Was anyone else?

Now, after a drinkful intermission, watch Sky take off her vest:

The ladies really did a great job without Todd. Don't fear, though. I have the feeling that he will appear shirtless very soon . . .

I thought last night's second was the best overall round I've seen in my four matches. Beth Spotswood, repping SF Appeal and SF Gate, told an incredible story called "Fake Plastic Trees." The room was shaking the entire time - it was like the beer was laughing liquid that had only just caught up to us. The fact that Elissa Bassist, who runs the Funny Women column @ The Rumpus (I'll tag it again because if you haven't been there and don't have it bookmarked you need to be reminded of these things) was able to keep the crowd going after Beth's story was a feat in itself - a thickening hush separated the readings as we realized this poor soul was going to have to follow - but not only did she appease us, with her fictional 'holiday letter from mom,' but actually made us consider 'Did she do it? No. But wait, did she? She could have ...'

And finally, finally, Literary Death Match gave me a happy ending. Despite all the good readings I've seen I'm always somehow left disappointed by literary champs trying to outwalk each other with a copy of Infinite Jest on their heads or swipe the faster seat in musical chairs. Last night's competition was decided by a game of madlibs. Yes! Not only that, but things got melodiously festive:

Rightfully, Beth was the winner! I love it when that happens. Justice was served last night, folks, and everyone looks pretty happy.