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Listening to what the guys are saying: Part I

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
- Just A Dream, Nelly

In Nelly's new single he laments about a love had and lost. One that has slipped through his fingers, like so many before him. Back in the good ol' days when I got to podcast Uncovered with Royce Diamond and our various guests to speak on relationships, I was able to receive a free pass into the ways of the male mind. More than what I bargained for in some cases.

One thing, among many, that sticks out for me is when Royce said, "guys take longer to process feelings". No. kidding. It's understandable, but in some cases, when the guy has processed his feelings, sometimes it's taken so long it's not relevant to the situation anymore and yet, they feel the need to discuss it. Some guys it takes a few days others a few months. In some cases, years. I've seen it happen.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move on.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I wonder if those guys who get their random, inevitable 'aha' moments think that girls have been waiting for an answer during that whole time. The thing about it is this, it's great to know that eventually (most) guys will see the error of their ways or eventually understand what it is someone was trying to say to them, but it's like knowing the answer on a test that you've already turned in blank. You can't go back and fill in the answers and get an 'A'. You take the 'F' and remember for next time.

And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

When things don't go the way we are hoping in a relationship, when we get hurt, it can be difficult to wrap our minds around as to why it happened, what went wrong. We try to figure out the way the other person is thinking in hopes of finding a solution. During Uncovered and the discussion of our various relationship topics, the puzzlers, the ones I wanted to figure out the most, Royce said not to. I was trying to understand the mind of a cheater. Understand the mind of someone who didn't want to be happy. I didn't want to agree or argue, I just wanted to understand.

But I learned it's not up to me to try to figure out why someone isn't happy in their life. Why they can't or don't want to change or move forward. It's not up to me try to figure out why they cheat or lie or make the mistakes they make. Don't wonder when they'll find the answer, don't keep asking questions thinking that might prompt a lightbulb quicker. It's not up to us to figure other people out or correct their mistakes or live out their regrets. We have enough of our own mistakes and regrets to deal with without taking on someone else's.

Simply, if you have love to give, do. If not, don't hold someone back from receiving it. Let them go.

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.

Of course, this isn't just guys, we girls have our emotionally challenged spells as well and when it happens, maybe all we can do is learn from it and keep moving. Maybe there is nothing that can or should be done if it means going backwards instead of forward. And, the idea of doing nothing, guess that's something that is still hard for me to understand.

Part II coming soon...

Follow Courtney on Twitter or friend her on Facebook for all updates on all upcoming articles.

Comments

  • Anonymous 3 years ago

    Great Part I. Love the Nelly song.

  • Profile picture of Drew Denny
    Drew Denny 3 years ago

    I think knowing up front that your partner is going to process things differently and respond on a different timeline is substantial. You mean they aren't supposed to be on the same page with me every second? I thought being your own person just mean BEFORE they started dating me. Who knew?

  • Royce Diamond 3 years ago

    I feel that figuring out how you are or are not willing to live, will be all the insight into your partners emotions you'll ever need.

  • Profile picture of Tiffany Booth
    Tiffany Booth 3 years ago

    Great article Courtney- You always have great advice =-)

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