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Lilou Mace David Kessler grief and dying you can grow through it

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Lilou Mace’s Juicy Living Tour-David Kessler grief expert, and author of “You Can Heal Your Heart,” and he has also written books with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and some books on his own. “Death, the pain is inevitable the suffering is an option.”

How do most human beings deal with death

You can’t take away the pain of those events of death. You have to feel your feelings, because you can’t heal what you can’t feel. What old wounds or childhood pain is surfacing over this grief. You have more life to live. Even with death comes horrible pain but you still have a life after it.

Peace is possible again

When you are in pain you don’t think the pain is ever going to end. You want to release the role of victim and move on and have a life again. When someone dies you want to honor the love not honor the pain. These days people are honoring their pain, they are suffering over their suffering. Will you go back and find that power again?

Guilt often happens in grief. “That event shouldn’t of happened? How do we honor the death but not get trapped into the prison of should of, could of, and would have been. How many times do we argue that an event shouldn’t of happened? How do we honor what did happen and learn to accept it and move on.”

When someone dies you don’t want to become the death

“You can honor the person and their life, but their death is not about you. You can heal your heart. If you are still alive you can heal your heart.”

Lilou: “Someone I recently interviewed said basically our life passion could be invoked by what our heart is broken by. Do you think that is true?”

David: ”It is our greatest growth. Everyone has something they are working through from childhood and from each stage of their own life. It is how you grow and develop. It is strength training for your future. You want to do your best to work through it not get stuck in it. Let’s not get caught in preconceived ideas and be present in the now. Just love it, don’t try to fix it.”

Lilou:”When our heart and mind is hurt what is the quality of life then?”

David: “It’s not about putting a bumper sticker on it. Devastation happens to people and it’s a part of life. Rape, murder, abuses. No one is subject to a life without this kind of pain. We stay stuck in the past and lose our own life then. The secondary tragedy, is now we give our own life up to be in constant pain. We think we run from grief but we really run from pain. Grief is a gift that has been given to help us get over the pain.”

Lilou: “What is the dark night of the soul? Can we talk about the pain of this and what happens?”

David: ”We run from the pain and run from the darkness. We give our power over to the pain. We pull up a chair to the pain and invite it to sit down. ‘Really I shouldn’t fight it?’ Feel it and move through it. If we trust the process we will come out the other side. You don’t want to devote your life to it.”

Lilou: “What is death?”

David: “Does it feel like when you were born that your life just started? No you probably feel as if you have always been here. To become less in the world because of your pain is the real tragedy here. It’s crazy. Sure it hurts but life does go on and you can heal your heart no matter what.”

Lilou: “How do we assist others with healing?”

David:”Grief must be witnessed, Don’t change it don’t fix it. We get codependent and we feel we must do something about it. But it’s not necessary, just witness it. Let me be present with you. If you can release the negative thoughts and preconceived notions and be present with what is happening.”

Lilou:” There is a quality of co-creation we are present for. Does life flash before us in that moment? What happens in that moment just before we go to the other side?”

David:”You see life as it pertains to you but you see it in the third person. You say your’ I love you’s and and give your forgiveness and that is all that really matters at that time. Thank you for this time together. If the love was real the grief is real.”

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