Stephen Strasburg, the first pick of the 2009 MLB Draft, made his nationally broadcast major league debut Tuesday night. Strasburg delivered in a big way, even if it was against the Pirates, who may actually have less talent than the Triple-A teams Strasburg had already faced. Strasburg struck out 14 in 7 innings and gave up just 4 hits and 2 earned runs in his first major league win. Like Strasburg, college graduates from around the country have the opportunity to impress their new employers. To do so, college grads should follow these 5 easy rules:
1. Get in early and leave late
College grads will quickly learn that corporate America is unlike the world of sports. In sports, performance is key (with exception to "good clubhouse guys", mentioned below). In Corporate America, always remember that presence takes precedence over performance. As long as you are always visible in the office, managers and executives will think you're a hard worker.
2. Act happy
No one cares if you are truly happy, just project yourself as a happy person. One day this may lead to a nervous breakdown or going postal, but until then, you're well on your way to the top of the corporate ladder.
3. Look good
In sports, a guy like David Wells could get away with over-blousing his uniform because of his overwhelming talent. In Corporate America, David Wells would look and be treated like a custodial engineer. Remember to always focus on the tangibles. Performance, at most corporations, is intangible. The phrase "Dress for success" is false in most situations, but very effective in a world where employee performance is only as visible as your suit.
4. Connect with colleagues
In baseball, they call this being a good "clubhouse guy". Being a good clubhouse guy allows you to hit .200 year in and year out and no one questions how terrible you are. The same is true in corporate situations. Establish yourself at the center of corporate politics and you'll find yourself positioned well to move your way up.
5. Don't be a change catalyst
Even if you have great ideas, make sure you don't bring them to the table. Change is risky, it costs money, and people don't like it. Instead, just present yourself as a professional and go with the flow. Being a change catalyst is similar to being a brush-back pitcher in major league baseball. Unless it's Robin Ventura, you'll eventually anger the wrong person.
When this stops working, you can always refer back to The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Slackers.
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Life in The Cubicle by Dudley B. Dawson
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Comments
Good stuff here, as usual, Dud. Couple of changes, though--
1. Look angry. The best way to look busy is to look angry. Like, you're up to your eyeballs in alligators. Yes, happy makes you a good clubhouse guy, but angry says "busy, busy, busy!" Now, don't be a jerk about it, just be bustling and exhausted.
2. Arriving early and leaving late don't have to be measured in hours... just arrive before everybody else. Like, if most folks show up between 8:00 and 8:30, you can plan on getting in at 7:45. Even if all you do with the extra time is get the coffee going and glance at your e-mail, you've got a head start, and people WILL notice. Arriving early doesn't mean setting your alarm clock for 4:59am.
Company logo'd apparel is a must for the slacker/brown noser. If your goal is to impress without substance then where the logo oxford shirt to work every day. The more colors you have the better. If your company does not have that apparel then $150 will buy the first "tape" and $15 a shirt will set you up nicely.
Be very careful not to be a change agent tho. That could be certain death if a higher up does not like it.
As I sit here in my office looking busy, having arrived before my boss, and wearing uncomfortable shoes... I have to cackle to myself a little bit. Am I working? No. Do I look like I am? Yep.
Anywho, I thought of you when I wrote this article about creating a zombie contingency plan for the office:
www.examiner.com/examiner/x-23103-Denver-Zombie-Examiner~y2010m6d22-Office-zombie-contingency-plans-part-1
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