LGBT parents and their families identify religion as a major obstacle in accepting homosexual parental identities, in either themselves or their families. What about homosexual parents and religion? Considering that the Catholic Church and members of fundamentalist Christian churches and Jewish traditions have been the most outspoken opponents of gay parents rights, how do LGBT parents deal with this?
Janice Walker, (35), a social worker, living in Toronto, with partner Lisa Manners, (34), a psychotherapist, raising Mark (10) and Jenny (7) is a lapsed Catholic/Quasi-Buddhist/Curious Quaker/New Age Agnostic—not a priest or even a practitioner of any formal religion, so she is in no position to give religious advice. However, here are some tips she and Lisa have gleaned as LGBT parents from what they have learned from the many other LGBT parents they have encountered who have struggled with this issue and found their way through it.
Janice's favored piece of advice: “Take a close, critical look at the justification your religious tradition uses to discriminate against LGBT parents. The Catholic Church, the Evangelical Church, and some other fundamentalist Protestant and Jewish congregations use biblical justifications to deny LGBT parents their civil rights and legal protections. I am no biblical scholar, but I think it is important to point out that doing this is simply wrongheaded. Church leaders and clergy have used Scripture, selectively interpreted and stripped of its historical context, to justify people's personal prejudices under the guise of strictly following the word of God.”
Fundamentalist interpretations of the Bible have been used to justify slavery in the U.S. In addition to its admonition against homosexuality, the Bible also has passages that permit fathers to sell their daughters into slavery (21:7), prohibit men from shaving their beards (19:27), and call for the death of anyone who works on the Sabbath (Exodus. 35:2; The New American Bible 1991). Thus people who claim to adhere strictly to the Bible and use its teachings to justify denying LGBT parents their rights are arbitrarily selecting certain teachings to follow while ignoring others.
Lisa adds that:”It's very important to find an understanding clergy person. I have known many LGBT accepting clergy from religious traditions not known for tolerance. For example, I have met Catholic priests who have been affirming with LGBT parents, urging them to accept themselves and also encouraging their families of origin to do the same. Keep in mind, LGBT parents are everywhere and, in fact, some clergy from these religious traditions are even gay themselves.”
Janice advises LGBT parents to consider your religion's view of the gay parenting issue as something that is a component of your religion that you will simply not accept. “Although it is a somewhat negative term, there are many people who I refer to as Cafeteria Catholics. These are people who consider themselves a member of the Catholic Church but who do not follow all of its precepts. For example, they might get divorced, or use birth control, but they still believe in the sacraments and the Holy Trinity.”
Lisa leaves us with the most practical bit of advise they have found to be the most useful and that is “simply find yourself a religion that welcomes LGBT parents.” There are many—including Unitarian and Episcopalian churches as well as accepting and affirming offshoots of traditional religions such as Dignity (for gay Catholics).
By the way, the lapsed Catholic/Quasi Buddhist/Curious Quaker/New Age Agnostic religion to which Janice and Lisa belong welcomes everyone—they promise. But seriously, many LGBT parents and their families have found supportive, open and accepting spiritual homes, and you can too.
Comments