Modern Love has said this before, and with the latest news of Levi Johnston, will say it again. Teens will push the envelope, and it is our job to push back…and teach them how to cope with - not to avoid - the myriad of temptations thrown their way. Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin were caught without receiving much parental guidance. Now Bristol is a young mother, and seems to be taking responsibility; Levi is reportedly posing nude for an upcoming issue of playgirl. Is this the legacy of abstinence-only?In a previous column, I wrote that the problem with teaching our children to just say no to sex places the burden on minds too young to control their sexual urges. Abstinence in the absence of education isn't working. Bristol Palin, the poster child now for a different approach, said as much in a People Magazine interview a fews months back. Now she advocates abstinence-first backed up by education about birth control and a reality check about the very hard work of raising a baby on your own.
The only logical advice that we can offer teens contemplating sex is this: Please wait. Wait until you are really ready and have a committed relationship before you sleep with someone. And when that time comes, BE PREPARED. Know about your options including saying no and how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
We need to emphasize age-appropriate sex education. There are many resources to help parents in this regard, and contrary to what extremists might say, teaching children about their bodies, intercourse, and intimacy does not harm them. It empowers them to say NO! until they are ready. To quote the previous column again, " it is not sex education that has led to an increase in sexual activity at an appallingly early age; it is not sex education that has de-sanctified physical intimacy. Instead, I suggest the problem is due to other forces all together: fear, shame and a lack of self- and other- respect."
How do these manifest themselves? We live in a hyper-sexed society that objectifies women and places the burden on girls to say no; our fall-back attitude is puritanical and interferes with parents doing the job of informing and empowering their children; and finally, we have systematically disconnected the physical and spiritual aspects of sexuality. We fail to teach about intimacy, tenderness, love and connectedness, and instead focus on fear, guilt and the mechanics.
Our attitudes and our anxieties burden our children more than knowledge ever will. We wouldn't send them out in the rain without protection. How can we think it's okay to send them into adulthood that way?
Thanks to a fellow examiner, Rita Watson, for her contributions to this story.
For related articles, read:
Bristol Palin advocates sex-education over abstinence-only
Condomless as the new engagement ring?
The unprotected pickle: politics, power and pregnancy
Resources for parents and educators
Follow me on twitter: ModernLoveWritr. Send email questions/comments to tmbsdre@yahoo.com.
All Modern Love Examiner articles ©2009 by Tinamarie Bernard; reposts permitted with link back to original article. All other rights reserved.
Comments
GREAT PHOTO! Thank you for the kind words and links. Perhaps I inspired the topic, but this piece is all Modern Love thinking.
Happiness/ R
I loved this article,because just "saying no" is not the answer obviously.Yet,the chant lives on. In my opinion, teenagers should not have sex period. Let's educate them on true intimacy, and that it shouldn't be easily given away.Show them harsh realities of becoming a teenage parent. Also, tell them how to protect themselve if they still decide to do it anyway.
Two links to you in my piece on happiness, and so, my friend, wishing you happiness/ Rita
Thanks ladies. And Simone, we are in complete agreement. If you ever want to do a joint piece, give me a holler.
This is so true... thank you for posting this. Our society and our teens need to hear this. Sex has no meaning to teens and it's sad that they don't understand how beautiful it can be.
I'm glad you mentioned age-appropriate sex education. Groups against sex education that goes beyond abstinence often argue that talking about sexual issues with teenagers will lead to obscene dialogue or encourage promiscuity. But arming kids with knowledge and the ability to stay healthy is not the same as reading them a Hustler story.
Great advice!
Phoenix This Day in History Examiner
Tucson Abusive Relationships Examiner
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!