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Living in a blended family is not like television. There are no guarantees of Brady Bunch moments, no guarantees of instant fixes when one parent is feeling like the fifth wheel while four wheeling.
Reduce stress by simply being yourself
Being oneself is the easiest thing to do so go ahead and do it. Don't be pushy and expect anything just do what you normally do and leave it at that.
Let go of the idea that the kids will all get along
The Brady bunch kids didn't always get along, and neither will yours. Let them be kids and step in if there is bloodshed or punching going on, otherwise, try to let the kids work it out.
Let go of the idea that the new spouses kids will be civil and respectful to you
Brush it off, let it go. If the new spouses kids are mouthy or rude try to ignore and speak with your spouse about it in private at a later time. Most likely they are testing the waters and once they see that they don't get a reaction they will stop. If it continues lay down some rules in a mutual family meeting. Have the new spouse lay down the rules in a firm but loving manner and see what happens.
Don't expect the new spouses ex to be civil either
Even if they've been divorced for decades sometimes the ex will be a thorn in your side. Try to stay away from the bait and avoid confrontations. Keep your self respect intact and let them prove themselves the lesser person. If need be, involve the police and file a restraining order but it rarely comes to this.
Don't make a big deal out of being left out on special days
It's normal for kids to want to protect their mothers or fathers feelings on days such as mother day, fathers day etc. Don't expect a card or gift and just let it go. Remember you're the adult and they are only children. Treat them as you would like to be treated at all times and in time many will come around to see things differently.
Melding a blended family take diligence and hard work. Patience will go far in this endeavor.
If you're living in the Spokane area and want help for your blended family, you can refer to these articles for some local counseling centers and more information on blended families:
Spokane Families can live happily ever after
Spokane Families can help kids in blended families deal with a divorce or remarriage
Children's first parenting seminars required in The State of Washington
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If you're part of an organization in Spokane, Washington that helps blended families, or you're part of a blended family and would like to share something with Spokane Blended Families examiner please contact the author at Countrymom_inland@yahoo.com and share your story. We are happy to edit out any personal details and share your story with our readers.
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