When we went to Disney World a few years ago, we saw a sign that said "Let the memories begin." We have many happy memories from our trip, but even more importantly we have many happy memories from living and sharing life together as a married couple, and as a family with our daughter.
Maybe that phrase could be added as part of the wedding ceremony. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride. Let the memories begin." Memories, can play such an important role in our lives and especially in marriage.
Negative memories can have a very powerful effect on the marriage and the spouse or spouses that were affected by the negative memory. The memory could be from hurtful words, hurtful things that were done, etc.
Other negative memories could be something that only happened to one spouse but effects the marriage because of the effect it's had on that person. This could be a wide range of things including, the death of a family member, past abuse, etc.
It is especially important when dealing with conflict that the communication remains respectful. Stick to the issue and don't make your spouse feel like you see them as being the problem. Instead help them to feel like they can help be part of the solution. Also, remember not to hurl hateful, spiteful words at each other as those can become long lasting negative memories.
If one spouse is dealing with negative issues or memories from the past, it may be helpful for them to see a counselor. Also, if the other spouse is supportive and caring they can help relieve some of the negative feelings associated with the negative memory. Even if it's just by being there to listen or to cry on if necessary.
Marriage also can provide many happy memories. These happy memories can be very helpful in getting through the hard times as well. If you happen to be having a hard time in your marriage, or in your life in general, we encourage you to remember all of those positive memories.
If you can, start making a list of all of the happy memories you've had with your spouse. It could include your first date, your wedding day, any special trips you've had, the birth of you children (if you have children) etc. any positive memories you've had together. Share the list with your spouse and add on as you make more memories. Make sure to review the list often and especially when you may be feeling down, etc.
Also, make sure you take time to be close. When spending closeness time together try not to let your brain wander elsewhere but really be there in the moment. Take time to notice the little things such as the feeling of snuggling close, the warmth, how their skin feels, etc. You could even spray a certain scent or light a candle or wear their favorite perfume or cologne. All of these things will help you to make a very powerful happy memory.
So remember that you can help to create either negative or positive memories in your marriage, and choose to help make positive ones. You can make happy memories that will last a lifetime. So, "Let the memories begin."