Yes, you heard me. There are lesbians, who identify as lesbian who are attracted to men. The first question that may enter your head is “wouldn’t that make her bisexual?” Not necessarily and here’s why.
Very few of us fall into the two boxes of lesbian and straight. There’s some leeway in between. I personally believe that ten percent of people are truly homosexual, ten percent are truly bisexual, and everyone else falls into some variation in between. For instance, a woman can identify as lesbian, but fall into the 70/30 range where they would be seventy percent more likely to sleep with a woman and thirty percent likely to sleep with a man. I’m not a scientist by far, but based my thinking on the Kinsey scale. He developed it in 1948 for men, and 1953 for women. To take the Kinsey Scale quiz, click here.
That may make many of you feel “uncomfortable” and even angry. How dare I question your sexuality? Some of you are probably questioning where you fall into. Even people who are “straight” question their own sexuality – wondering if they are a 70/30, or 80/20. I’m not questioning anything, just making a point that sexuality isn’t always cut and dry. It isn’t always black and white. Sometimes, more than not, there’s a lot of gray area in between. Whether you want to admit it or not is up to you.
This is a touchy subject in the lesbian community because we’re an exclusive all girl community. Go outside of that, and you’d risk being banished and ridiculed. Isn’t that discriminatory? Why would a group of people who are discriminated against, discriminate within their own community? Some say it’s because of the gross out factor – going behind a man makes some women physically ill. Some just want to be with a woman who can know, without a shadow of a doubt that she’s only into women. Psychotherapist, Kali Munro has some answers to why lesbians don’t allow men into their exclusive group in her article, Are Some Lesbians Attracted to Men, where she takes on the hard question of why?
According to Dr. Muro, lesbians want their relationships to be validated. To be taken seriously. “In a world where we are told that lesbian relationships are a fad, a phase, less significant than straight relationships, don't last, are unhappy, unstable, and lacking because there is no male involvement, and that all we need is a "good…." it can be hard to feel open to lesbians or bisexual women who want, or do have sex with men.”
There are some lesbians who are strictly, unequivocally attracted to women. So, no need to rush out and take a quiz to find out what your sexuality is. But, I’ve known lesbians who have an attraction to men – not all men, just some. And no, they don’t have to be metro sexual men, or the pretty boys. They can be your regular guy on the block. It’s normal to feel the “I’m just attracted to him” emotions as a lesbian. That means that you’ve found a guy that you have an emotional connection to that can spur into something physical. It can happen, and I think it happens more than our community wants to admit. Is there a lesbian who wouldn’t want to try out Brad Pitt just once, or Shamar Moore, or even Morris Chestnut? Maybe it’s just me (laugh out loud). It does not take away from your sexuality. It just expands it a little.
So, if there are some lesbians out there who are having conflicted feelings about being attracted to a man; or having fantasies about men, don’t let it worry you or bother you. You’re still “normal”. You’re still a lesbian. Even if there are others who want to place you in a category or box. It’s not about what others think of you; it’s what you think of yourself. I’m starting a revolution. Let’s get rid of all boxes, all categories and just be. Simply, just be.
Until next time….