Leftover candy

It’s four days after Halloween, the costumes have been thrown in a corner, and here we are: stuck with piles and piles of candy. It’s the same story every year: what do we do to get rid of this, as soon as possible? We don’t want to still have it when the holiday season arrives, and according to the kids, I can’t eat it (why not?); the only solution is for them to just chow down. Fast.

I think it is permissible to eat yourself sick during the week after Halloween; everything that’s still there come November 7th needs to be discarded. I know; forcing my kids to eat that much candy is utterly irresponsible, but have you ever tasted a six-month-old Snickers bar? Exactly. It doesn’t keep.

Isabella isn’t helpful; during Halloween itself she only eats two pieces of candy and still comes home feeling sick. Her stomach problems might have something to do with my 2000-calorie-per-slice pumpkin cheesecake; I’m not sure. I’m not admitting to anything. Besides, there’s a good reason I only make that monstrosity once a year: eat at your own risk.

During the next days, I start to feel like a drug pusher: “Why don’t you try eating a KitKat, then chasing it with a few Sugar Babies and a Twix? That ought to give you a nice buzz! And how about another Tootsie Roll?”

It’s no use. Give them one candy bar and they will gladly eat it; give them the whole bag and they retreat into passive mode. Mendel and Isabella can only stare and refuse to pick out what they feel like eating. Total and complete paralysis sets in; at the rate they’re going, this candy will still be here by next year’s Halloween, and we didn’t even go to that many houses to begin with.

Then it strikes me: why do I even care? What’s the big deal; don’t I have bigger things to worry about, like world hunger, and how to pay my mortgage? Like many parents (you know who you are) I have the tendency to direct my focus towards one tiny thing, and use it as an excuse to forget everything else. Bad, bad parenting. I promise, I’ll chillax! (My husband hates that expression, so I’m using it as much as possible to desensitize him).

And if it does, against my better judgment, start bothering me again, I’ll just eat it all myself. They’ll never notice.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also like A Hava Nagila kind of night, Fun-scary television, or Nagging