When a couple decides to get married they are supposed to be leaving all others to cling to their spouse. The wedding vows do say “forsaking all others”. A lot of couples seem to have a problem with that. Women often keep a very close attachment to their families, while men can sometimes let their career or ministries (if they’re involved in church) become their main attachment.
Don’t use your family as a “safety net”
Women need to realize that they need to lessen their closeness with their family to strengthen their closeness with their husbands. Some women use their family (especially their dad and mom) as a safety net in case the marriage doesn’t work out. They think that they can and should just run home to their parents if their having trouble in their relationship. This is not healthy. *Note that we are not talking about an abusive relationship here, just one that is having difficulty.
Men who are having a hard time in their relationship tend to get over involved in their work and their professional relationships. They may work extra long hours just to avoid spending time with their spouse. They get their fulfillment at work where they feel they are appreciated. This is not healthy either.
Tandem parachute jumping
When you get married it’s kind of like you are tandem parachute jumping out of an airplane with your spouse. You need to work together and pull the cord, etc. so the parachute can come out and you can land safely together. No one else can fix your marriage for you; you need to learn how to work it out together with your spouse. There’s no returning to the safety of the airplane. Whether your marriage will survive or not will be up to the two of you.
We are not saying that family, careers, etc are not important. What we are saying is that nothing should be more important to a married person than their spouse and their marriage. We also encourage people to stand up for their spouse and for marriage, especially in front of others. When people joke or talk negatively about their marriage or their spouse they are tearing down their marriage and their spouse. Some people say that it’s “only a joke” or that their spouse should be able to take a joke. If you continue to joke about your marriage and your spouse it is going to lead to hurt feelings and a lack of trust in each other.
Work it out with your spouse
It is also not a good idea to be talking to others about the problems in your marriage, or about what your spouse may be doing wrong etc unless you’re talking to a pastor, counselor, etc. And even then that should happen after you’ve already talked to your spouse, and you feel you need extra help resolving something. Remember that when you talk to someone like family, friends, etc. you are giving them only one side of the situation trying to get them to side with you and against your spouse. This could also be shaping their view of your spouse. So make sure you work things out with your spouse, that’s the only way to fix it anyway.
Set limits and boundaries on outside relationships
Some family members may seem like they want to have a say in everything that you do as a married couple. You need to set borders for these people and tell them to when they need to back off. Some of their advice may be helpful, but if it’s starting to affect your relationship with your spouse, you need to set those limits.
It is very important to protect your marriage because your spouse is the one you made your vows to. You didn’t make a vow before everybody for your career or your family. You and your spouse made a vow that you would love and protect each other no matter what, so don’t let anyone or anything stand in the way of you keeping those vows.
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