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Keep 'Em Baking: Philadelphia 76ers Support Tasty Charity

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Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – In an effort to support breadstick withdrawal following the extinction of the once prominent restaurant chain, Olive Garden, current players on the Philadelphia 76ers handed out warm, buttery breadsticks to those in need this past Thursday outside of the Wells Fargo Center in South Philadelphia. “Sure, they taste delicious, but it makes me sad to think that there will be no refills when my basket is empty,” said Martin Gorelckianobo of Fishtown, who was wiping hot garlic butter from the side of his mouth, while holding back tears. “We could have done so much more to save the precious Olive Gardens instead of using them solely for their breadstick rations,” added an emotional Gorelckianobo.

Players on hand showing their support included rookie sensation, Michael Carter-Williams and veteran shooting guard, Jason Richardson, both of whom were too distraught at the time to comment. “They may show a smile on their faces here and there, but these players have been hit the hardest,” said Public Relations Intern, Jill Swanderstalk. “The team’s annual holiday party has been held at the local Olive Garden since 1991, but now the venue has been changed to the local Chili’s. Needless to say, everyone in the organization has taken it to heart,” added Swanderstalk.

Despite the world’s sadness that it will never see another living Olive Garden, various media organizations throughout the United States are planning memorials in honor of the once beloved chain and former home of the never-ending baskets that were once filled with fresh breadsticks. Both TIME and National Geographic Magazines plan on releasing exclusive editions titled “A Gardenless Stick” and “Death of a Breadstick,” respectively, in January, 2014.

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