Parents who choose to foster or adopt children with severe mental illnesses oftentimes rely upon support from the community to assist them with managing some of those children’s difficult behaviors. Although the vast majority of children in foster and adoptive homes are not severely mentally ill or a danger to themselves or others, there are those who do struggle with managing their emotions and behavior. And for those children, support from social service agencies, mental health professionals, the family court and law enforcement can play a vital role in assisting these parents in meeting their children’s special needs. And a lack of support can place these children and families in very dangerous situations.
Parent: Well, it all started when I told him that it was time to get off of the phone. He exploded! He started screaming and cursing and carrying on. So my daughter told him, in a very calm voice, that it wasn’t that serious and for him to calm down. Well, he just got increasingly angry and started to curse her out too. I mean, he got so mad that he had this wild look in his eyes and started to breathe really hard and clenching his fists and shaking. So I was trying to talk to him to calm him down.
Therapist: Ok.
Parent: So he starts staring at my daughter’s stomach, while clenching his fists and breathing all hard! And you know, she’s pregnant. She's almost 8 months pregnant. So then he threatens to kill her! And he was just staring at her stomach!
Therapist: (Oh my God…). Ok, so then what happened?
Parent: Well, he attacked her! And it took all of my strength to hold him! And all I could do is pray, Lord give me the strength to hold this boy!! If only I had a picture of the look in his eyes while he was staring at her stomach! I couldn't let him kill that baby! And my grandbaby was terrified, so I yelled for him to go lock himself in his room!
Therapist: And I'm so glad that you did. Watching his uncle attack his pregnant mother had to be traumatizing for a little boy his age!
Parent: Well, I managed to get them separated. We had already called my son and asked him to come over, so when he arrived, he calmed down. And that’s when we called you.
Therapist: Yes, and I heard all of the chaos in the background, which is why I told your son that you all needed to call the police to get him out of there.
Parent: And we did! We did call the police! But when they got there, they refused to take him. And he was going off, and even acting belligerent with them, saying that he’s no punk and wasn’t nobody going to punk him, and all of that!
Therapist: Wait a minute. What do you mean they “refused” to take him?!
Parent: They refused! I told the officer that his therapist had instructed us to call them so that they could take him to the psychiatric hospital, but they refused! I even offered to call you so that they could talk to you, but they said they couldn’t take him! At first, they said that they would take him, but then they turned to him and asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital! And, of course, he said no. So they turned to me and said that they couldn’t take him because he didn’t want to go! So I asked them, “why are you asking him!?!” He didn’t know what was best for him! He was out of control!
Therapist: Did you tell them that he had threatened to kill a pregnant woman?! And that he attacked her!
Parent: Yes! I told them! But they said that they couldn’t take him because he didn’t want to go!
Therapist: That’s ridiculous! I worked at that psychiatric hospital for four years, and I know for a fact that they get many kids transported by the police when they are volatile and a danger to themselves or others.
Parent: They refused! So then I asked them if they could take him to juvenile detention, and they said no to that also! So I asked them if they could take him if my daughter pressed charges for him attacking her, and they said that she couldn’t press charges because he’s a minor!
Therapist: What! If that were true, then there wouldn’t be any such thing as juvenile probation! And how are there juvenile detention and correctional facilities in the state! You should have asked to speak with a supervisor.
Parent: There was a supervisor with the officer! And the supervisor said the same thing! We couldn’t get them to do anything! And they left him there with us. They suggested that I leave my daughter’s house and take him home with me! I couldn’t take him home with me! He has attacked me before! I didn’t know what he might do!
Therapist: Well, go down to the police station and file a complaint. Talk to another supervisor and let that supervisor know that you called the police, and that they refused to remove a homicidal teenager from the home, despite the fact that he had already attacked his intended victim, who also happened to be pregnant.
Parent: Ok, I will. I also had to take my daughter to the emergency room to be sure that the baby was okay, because she started experiencing pain. We were there all night.
This parent had her adult son transport the teenager back to his group home, where he has been residing since the incident of him attacking her some months ago. This incident occurred during a Thanksgiving pass. The plan was for him to transition back into the home soon; but needless to say, that plan has been aborted. The Jackson County Children’s Division has been very supportive of this mother, and her son, and has agreed to authorize the appropriate level of care to meet his psychiatric needs. This article was printed with her permission, in hopes that it might shed some light on this issue. Unfortunately, she is not the first parent to report to me that the Kansas City Missouri Police Department has failed to remove angry, volatile, physically aggressive, mentally ill children from the home during family crises. She lives in fear of what her child might do the next time that he becomes angry. And she also lives in fear of a lack of support from law enforcement officials, which further places the lives of her, and her family, in danger.
Comments
I have worked with foster children that have severe mental illness, and they are difficult to deal with and modify their behavior. I commend those who are able to work with those kind of individuals. Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate it.
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