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Just Ask: Hook-Up or Hoe?

Is it ok to casually hook up with men as long as you're protected?
Is it ok to casually hook up with men as long as you're protected?
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Dear Brittani,

I've always considered myself to be a free spirit.  I've never had a serious relationship and never limited myself when it comes to my body.  Recently I've started hanging out with the girl who is my polar opposite.  I'm white, she's black, I'm tall, she's short, I lost count of my sexual partners when I was 22, she cried last week when she lost her virginity to her fiancé at the age of 25.  As she was sharing her experience and telling me how beautiful it was, and happy and in love she is, it made me wonder about myself.  Yesterday when I asked her what she thought about me and how "freely" I look at sex, she smiled and said, " I love you as a friend and would rather not say."  So I'm asking you, am I a hoe, or is it okay for me to casually hook up with men as long as I protect myself?


Oh girl! My response will be two sided and probably confuse you even more, but 1, I have to be objective, and 2, because this is an opinion article, I will offer you my personal opinion (keep in mind that it is just my thoughts personally and only you can determine how you live your life).


I'll start by giving you my personal opinion;  your body is a gift, a loaner if you will from your Creator, whom ever you consider that to be.  It is our job to take care of it, cherish it, and make sure that it is in tip top condition when it is time to return it.  Further more, morally, it is irresponsible for a woman to, by the age of 22, lose track of how many sexual partners she has had.  And if you plan to get married in the future, you have put yourself at an even greater disadvantage, because no man what's to be the laughing stock who tried to turn a hoe into a housewife.  You have also put yourself at risk for STIs and an unplanned pregnancy, which in turn puts your child at a disadvantage.  Personally, I wouldn't label you as a hoe, because that's just not who I am, but I would say that you are using being a so called "free spirit" as an excuse to be irresponsible and promiscuous. 

Now, putting my personal feelings aside, I would encourage you to get to know yourself and possibly try to figure out why you look to sex as a way to liberate yourself.  Because just as with an addiction to a drug or to alcohol, compulsive sex is usually the result of a deeper issue.  Once you figure out what that is, you won't depend on the physical satisfaction and temporary pleasure that sex gives you, and will be able to have a meaningful relationship. Once you are in love and are making love, you will have the fortunate opportunity to experience the emotion that your friend did the first time she made love.  But, also keep in mind that at the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself and to your Higher Power.  It is not my job or your friends job to apply a suitable label to you.  If you are happy, and I mean truly happy, and content with your life, that is what's important.  True happiness is something that very few of us will ever know and it's important to cherish that happiness while you are here.


Good luck!


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