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Jiff the Pomeranian to be immortalized in Guinness Book of Records

If you're like many Americans with too much time on their hands and a predilection for videos depicting cute things that small animals do, you are probably already aware of Jiff the 4-year-old Pomeranian. Are you picturing in your head his adorable little face as you read this? Well, guess what?

Jiff, a creature lacking opposable thumbs, the ability to speak and even the rudiments of human reason, is more accomplished than you’ll likely ever be. And he’s got the paperwork from Guinness World Records to back him up.

In the 2015 edition of their eponymous book, Guinness will recognize Jiff for being the fastest in two different categories. The Los Angeles Times reported today that Jiff, using only his hind legs, is able to cover 10 meters in just 6.56 seconds. Using only his forelegs, the little guy can cover 5 meters in 7.76 seconds. That’s right. Do the math. Jiff can walk 16 feet on the closest things he has to hands in just over 7 seconds. Bet you can’t do that. Did you just try to do it anyway? If you timed yourself and succeeded in beating Jiff’s freshly-minted record, recall that Jiff, again, is a dog.

Jiff, who is originally from suburban Chicago, Illinois, moved to Los Angeles to pursue a life in show business. That is, Jiff’s prospects in Hollywood were so rosy that his human owners packed up and moved to California. Because of their dog, and their dog's career appears to be taking off. I’ll bet you don’t even have a current headshot.

Hey. Don’t get down on yourself. You know what’ll make you feel better? Believe it or not, watching the video of Jiff barking in front of a fountain might do the trick. If that doesn’t pass muster, here is a video of Jiff riding a skateboard, something else you probably can’t do. Ah, the world is full of delightful paradoxes.

The Los Angeles City Council recently declared August 20 as “Jiff Day,” in honor of a dog who has over 14,000 followers on Twitter. The newest edition of “Guinness World Records” hits bookstores on Sept. 10.