Last month, adult adoptees, first parents, adoptive parents and other interested people discussed the book Found: a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck. Participants on this book tour asked questions of each other and also submitted questions to the author.
Ms Lauck participated by reading and commenting on the posts of those who contributed their thoughts to the tour. In addition, she responds to reader questions; this is the third set in a series.
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Reader: This book made me feel more negatively about adoption than anything else I've read or seen on the topic. Does this reaction surprise you? Was it intended?
Jennifer Lauck: I am surprised that readers would feel negatively about adoption after reading this book. It was my view, when I wrote it, that no one would care. I was also pretty sure I would be attacked and discounted. In looking at the state of affairs about adoption, our attitudes are pretty well established and it's very hard to change established beliefs. My goal was to tell my story as honestly as possible. That is all. I didn't know what to expect.
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Reader: I really loved this quote, describing one of your realizations about your difficult journey in life: "And I get to ponder how the suffering we go through has the potential to make us more vivid and alive." Most of us in the ALI community (Adoption/neonatal Loss/Infertility) have gone through terrible pain and loss, and even after we get our happy endings, we still have a hard time recovering from that experience. So I wanted to find out what advice you might give to help individuals who have suffered realize their potential to be more vivid and alive.
Jennifer Lauck: Meditate. Find a very good spiritual teacher, learn how to practice and practice. The spiritual connection is very important in my life. My recognition of how disconnected I am from my own core self is key. Adopted people are often not in their own bodies. They haven't found the body a safe place to be. They are busy building alternative selves that are adapting, striving, rebelling and there is no peace or rest within. Often meditating is really hard for an adopted person, too; they are in a lot of physical pain which they finally see once they are asked to be still, breathe and rest in their own body. But it must be done. Adoptees, due to their terrific and original loss must fine peace and wholeness within their own skin. From that place -- mediation, yoga, physical therapy, EMDR, the arts as a method of expression -- all that is really helpful.
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More Q&A with Jennifer Lauck will come shortly. Subscribe so you don't miss a post.
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