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Shipman's actual "pillow-talk" interview with Jay Carney
Shipman was probing Carney to determine what the "straw that broke the camel's back" was, exactly, and so he laid it out for her in brutal government detail. Carney admitted that he had successfully dealt with the scandals, suicides, bankers' secret meetings in the White House kitchen during the middle of the night, CIA revelations, and other such nonsense as he called it, but the one "big ticket" item was the Veterans Affairs situation and General Shinseki's resignation. Carney became quite emotional as he described how those [bleeping] veterans had been moving their doctor appointments down the secret wait lists, extending the wait times, just so they would become extremely ill and/or die before they could be seen by the VA doctors. Carney described this waiting list forgery as "paper terrorism," and said the vets who did it were all just trying to make poor Barry look bad and ruin Hillary's chance at being Hefe Clinton in the 2016 presidential elections. Shipman also broke down during this part of the interview. Clean pillows had to be retrieved from the linen closet. Carney indicated he had tried to be a good Soviet father to his children, but felt that he had failed, and was now ashamed to show his red face to the Washington social circuit.
Perhaps one of the more disturbing issues Carney had to deal with was Hillary's secret trip to Iran and the plane crash that ensued when the Iranian Air Force shot down her C-12 Huron aircraft inside the Iranian border, without explanation. Clinton was nearly killed and had to be flown to a U.S. military hospital in Germany to be stabilized before going on to Andrews AFB. She was originally scheduled to discuss nuclear issues with high officials of the Iranian government, but the Iranian Air Force was not informed of her trip in advance. So much for the fake coke-bottle glasses, motorcycle helmet, and expensive glass bongs brought back from her Iranian adventure. Carney admitted to toking a few with her on weekends at her Westchester, NY home.
Benghazi-gate on you, Hillary
Perhaps the biggest lie Carney had to contend with was the You-Tube video turkey malarkey concerning Benghazi-gate and the death of Ambassador Chris Stevens. Not only does the responsibility fall on Hillary, but it also falls on SecDef Panetta, Martin Dempsey - Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Assistant President Valerie Jarrett, and Barry himself. Seems everyone was just sitting around the Oval Office sipping Coke and playing video games while the attack was ongoing. In his book, subsequent SecDef Gates says he "doubted he would have inserted special forces the night of the attack..." Elmer Fudd on duty, gentlemen. Assistant President Jarrett's purge of high-ranking military commanders [General Ham, General Baker, Admiral Gaouette, among others] who tried to send assistance to the brave Benghazi defenders that night has been met with loud cheers and accolades from Senator Harry Reid, [D - Searchlight, Nevada], as well as Senator Mitch McConnell [R - Booneville, Kentucky], and even House Speaker John "Boner" Boehner, [R - Coalville, Ohio] standing in for George Washington in the U.S. House of Representatives. The Soviet invasion is almost complete.
NATO's War Against Russia has been the subject of repeated White House denials..."We are not involved." Carney has had several heated exchanges with the White House Press Corps on this subject, to the point of tomato-throwing and cole-slaw wrestling right in the White House Press Room, in front of Michelle Obama. Ms. Obama has also attempted to deny any involvement of her school lunch program with the Ukranian school children as the Ukrainian Army moves East and uses mortar fire and heavy artillery on the fully-occupied school buildings in the Donbass Region. For updates, click here. Ms. Obama has repeatedly stated that her cabbage slaw is not meant to keep the little Ukranian kids in school, eating lunch, while they are shelled by NATO mercs using U.S. heavy weapons.
White House Garden
Michelle's newly-replanted White House garden has become something of a controversy as the First Lady tries to promote healthy foods for schoolkids. The scandal involves much of the lunch food being thrown away by the kids simply because it did not come wrapped in a White House napkin. Jay Carney has been seen going out to the garden and vomiting on the broccoli after particularly contentious press briefings, to which he freely admitted to Ms. Shipman during the pillow-talk interview. This has not helped the broccoli as it tends to die after being covered in vomit. Barry has also not helped the situation after he was seen chowing down on a gigantic burger with fries at one of his favorite D.C. burger joints. In fact, three Secret Service Agents have had bypass surgery since being assigned to the "burger joint" detail during the last 6 years.
Now it's time to eat the broccoli....stay tuned for Part Two.