Janitor Claims His Company’s Hand Sanitizer Kills The Most Germs

Cambrian, Arizona – In an effort to beat the competition and eliminate the need for hand washing, SquashEmCorp, LLC Janitor, Neil Schnuffemjeans announced Wednesday that his company’s revolutionary, new, hand sanitizer kills 99.991% of all germs. “People think that extra .001% doesn’t add up to much, but believe me it does!” Said Schnuffemjeans, “It totally kicks germ butt!” Added Schnuffemjeans, who has been keeping the company’s floors and halls clean since January 2nd. The new solution is expected to be available via street vendors and gas stations everywhere by the end of this week.