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It’s not you it’s me….or is it you?

Dance to the rhythm of your own drum
Dance to the rhythm of your own drum
Photo by Mary Turner/Getty Images

Don’t you just love the “blame” game… either playing to even out the field when you get that you were totally out of alignment with your truth, and perhaps it really IS your stuff… i.e. the unresolved family issues in your life coming up and rearing their head in your new relationship, or your own level of insecurity with your body, or your finances, or who you are…. Sometimes it truly is us who needs to step away and dial in and reconnect with the truth that we are love… and it goes beyond just that knowing. It’s not like an excuse for accepting mediocrity and making bad decisions… like ope! Just ate my daily intake in food in chocolate and didn’t pay my rent… I am Love! So it’s all good right?...Yea, not exactly… actions still have reactions and choices still have consequences. Honoring the fact that “you are love”…is about being soft with yourself… it’s about honoring your ultimate fullness and truth, and using that as an empowerment method to take you to a space where you are consistently making healthy decisions. I’m going to use the word healthy here in the place of “right” or “wrong”….as you know , when we place those kind of labels on things we are consistently tipping the scales out of balance to one side or the other. Peace is found in the indifference, and in this case in creating the choices as “healthy” or “unhealthy” as in neither are less than or greater but for MY reality this choices FEELS better to me, and it does things that create a chain reaction to positively enhance my life and wellbeing. So yea, sometimes it’s not you…it’s me, and every experience that we have in our reality with other people is designed to teach us and show us things about ourselves… and then…

Sometimes…it really IS them…no, but seriously. I will use the example of attempting a relationship as an empowered whole woman who is great at communicating, staying present, who is not codependent, and is ready for a matched partner in her reality. Wasting time with a potential partner who is none of those things, so you are consistently left in a space feeling like you are a horrible communicator, or you don’t have what it takes for a relationship, etc. whennnnn in actuality, you just need a new partner. It’s like trying to do a dance with a partner who is totally off key, no matter how on point you are, you are going to end up looking like Elaine on Seinfeld (please tell me you know what I’m talking about). However, switch it up and try the dance with a partner who is not just on time and knows the steps, but is also so in sync with your body rhythm that you guys begin to anticipate each other’s next move, taking the dance beyond just the dance and adding in a whole never level of interpretation and depth. Yes! This is yumminess, and sometimes it truly IS not your stuff, and it truly does come down to picking the healthiest partner for your life experience. Does this make the person who was off beat flawed? Not necessarily…they could just be really bad at doing the tango for example but awesome at the waltz, you are the tango, and perhaps Mary Jane is the waltz, with her, he might be an incredible dancer…. And he might also just have stuff to work out, and he may forever spend his time as a wallflower not ever entering the dance truly to begin with due to his lack of communication skills, or in ability to accept responsibility, and so much more.

What it comes down to? Balance, and choosing. Knowing when it’s your stuff to work through, and knowing when you are simply not compatible with the person you are currently dancing with.

Either way, follow the rhythm of your own heart, dance to the beat of your own drum, and allow an amazing partner to come in who also feels your rhythm.
Much Love

By Ashley Davene Ouellette
Purchase Ashley’s Book “Art of Love” via
Stay Tuned for her second book in creation “Pink and Blue… A Love Story” Xo

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