While I'm not one to tout more traditional New Year's resolutions, such as losing weight or starting an exercise regiment, I do believe in a life-long commitment to personal growth and learning. So I suppose that making a pledge to seek out resources in order to do that is in fact a kind of New Year's resolution.
Therefore I've chosen to wrap up 2010 - a year in which I've had the privilege of interviewing for this column Dr. Jeannette Lofas, Dr. Rachelle Katz, Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., and Debra Chernick, Esq., four distinctly different voices in the fields of step family and Para-Kin living - by posting a three-part interview with Paula Bisacre, founder and publisher of RemarriageWorks.com, an online resource chock full of information, support and guidance for remarriage and stepfamily life. Bisacre's own commitment to continual exploration and self-reflection is evident in her passion for the subjects of remarriage and step family life, which we discuss below:
The mission of Remarriage Works is to "have a positive impact on remarrieds by providing solutions that increase happiness - to celebrate each successful, individual remarriage." How are you doing with your Mission?
I think my mission is going pretty well, based on the feedback I receive from readers who are on the remarriage journey, i.e., people who are considering remarriage, planning a second (or subsequent) wedding, or experiencing stepfamily living. I also hear positive comments from professionals in the areas of psychology, counseling, family therapy, coaching, marriage education, family law, and finance, for instance.
One of the most enlightening emails I received was from a male doctor in his 50s, who said he was most grateful for changing his life for the better. He had been in a mall when he noticed my hardcopy magazine reMarriage, which is no longer available in print, lying on a table with the cover torn off. He was intrigued. He explained that he had never been married, but that all of the women in his dating circle had been previously married and most had children. He said that the content helped him tremendously by increasing his understanding of the issues that come up in remarriages and stepfamilies. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me going.
In addition, from what I see from our Twitter followers (@RemarriageWorks), and on our Facebook fan page (Remarriage Works), I think remarriage works! Some people are struggling, and they write in to our advice column at advice@RemarriageWorks.com, which is written by Chuck and Jae Semich, a husband and wife team, who are remarried and specialize in stepfamily counseling. If readers are still remarried and seeking advice from our column, they are indeed working at it - they are reaching out for help and want to succeed. If we help just one person a day, I truly feel good about that.
People are hungry for information on how to have a successful remarriage and stepfamily. Most people don't know where to go to find valuable and credible remarriage resources. The majority of people don't go into a remarriage to get divorced or to be unhappy. I'm going to keep driving forward with my mission. There are millions of remarrieds who could succeed by learning about and taking advantage of the resources that are available, including ones on marriage education. I think it is possible to decrease the divorce rate for remarriages, which is currently at 65 - 70%.
Your first official Positively Paula post on July 12th was upbeat and optimistic about remarriages, in contrast to the many doomsayers out there who generally predict the end of a remarriage, usually because of the fallout from the prior marriage. Is it in your DNA to be so optimistic? Or do you know something about the possibilities for remarriage that other people may not know, or may not believe, or may in fact not want to believe?
No, I had always been a "glass half empty" kind of person. Some childhood things had been difficult; my father died young and my divorce was particularly painful and the reasons for it were ugly. I think I've become more optimistic since remarrying. My husband is a "glass half full" kind of person and he has taught me a lot. And this current career has allowed me to connect with such wonderful, positive people. As publisher of RemarriageWorks.com, I've been in contact with many positive influences; a mindset coach, strategic growth coaches, counselors, therapists, stepfamily coaches, marriage educators, authors, and many others.
I think my love for self-help books has taught me a lot, too. I truly believe that if you surround yourself with positive influences - books, people - you can change for the better. It is possible to shift your mindset, and you can educate yourself on how to have a healthy remarriage and raise a stepfamily. It's never too late.
I'm not saying that you if simply read a couple of books - Voila! - everything is rosy. It is a process that takes time and patience. Diane Sollee, Director of Smart Marriages: the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couple Education, inspired me when I heard her talk about marriage education. She pointed out that people spend time and money learning skills that help them with their careers, their health, hobbies, interests and finances...even childbirth. But when it comes to one of the most important things in their lives...their marriages...they often don't stop to learn the skills they need in order to have a successful marriage. These skills can be learned at any point in life.
At RemarriageWorks.com we strive to be postiive, supportive and inspiring. We want to bring vetted and valuable resources to remarrieds and stepfamilies.
Stay tuned for Part II of my interview with Paula Bisacre, in which I ask her if there really is a difference between starting a marriage and starting a business. Click here for Part III.
For More Info: Paula Bisacre is founder and publisher of RemarriageWorks.com, an in depth resource and support system for stepfamilies and remarriage adventurers, as well as author and publisher of the new Journal for Stepmoms.
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